Just try to stay strong and remember how much he hurt you, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he still can get to you. I do feel for you, I have buckled so many times in the past,but now I know that my partner is an N,I am making plans to get away. You are away, so stay away for your own sanity!!! You can do it! xxxxx

Sorry you are struggling harmony, but it seems to be quite normal to go up and down during the NC period. I did fine for about 10 days then day 11 I took a nosedive..it really helped me to chat with my friends here and read some of the posts. So that's what I would say to you.....there's one here with the heading "Do they ever change?" or something like that.....very good for bringing us back to reality. And that's what I think I need when I get those weak moments.....as I discover I have fallen into fantasy / magical thinking. My mind TRICKS me into thinking.....well, he wasnt that bad, that bit was really nice, I miss that....maybe I have been wrong all along, maybe I have judged him unfairly, he isnt an N...it wouldnt hurt just to contact him again, then I could see if I was REALLY right about this N business....
.....could that be how your mind works too perhaps (or something similar?)

Just read ALL the stuff here....all the things SusyP posts for example.

STAY STRONG Hugs xx

ARE YOU HOPING HE LL CHANGE is the one I meant xx

I also get strength from my faith, harmony....and listen to uplifting music.
Dont know where you are at with that, but if you are open to God, you may like this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMZj0520v0g

Thank you so much for your support i sometimes truly dont know what i would do if i hadnt found this group. You have all been a godsend to me through this.Im trying to keep the faith and no i havent weakened as much as its killing me. xo

Do not forget the Red Flag exercise:

Make a list of every red flag that you ignored and every time he treated you disrepectfully, you caught him in lies, cheating, etc. Every time you even think about contacting him, emailing, texting. Pull out that list and ask yourself: This is what I miss? THIS?

If you have to, put each and every red flag on a separate index card and tape them around your bedroom as a constant reminder of the pain of this relationship.

What you had (that you cant possibly miss) is a pathological relationship. What you miss, is the ability to wrap yourself up like a blanket in the illusion to go back to the time before you knew this was all illusion.

My BFF single handidly kept me from NC. Every time I was going to cave and contact him, she would say: really? you are going to go beg that loser for attention after what he did to you? OK, then, well go ahead, but who are you and what did you do to my friend?

That would stop me in my tracks every time.

It is nice that you had such a caring and concerned BFF who could help put it in perspective for you.

Healing, I am SO LUCKY that way. I have 3 BFF's that I called at least 4x a day EACH the first 2 months post break up. I am surprised they do not BLOCK me from their phones.

I would cry and cry and cry and cry. And they would listen to me endlessly. I am beyond blessed in the friend department.

harmony7 c'mon we can do this! And I mean we, I have just wrote in my journal all about me missing the illusion, the arms round me etc. I woke up today lonely for the forst time and it stinks.

Logic logic logic yes! Red Flag list. Talking to a friend. Hiding your phone. Anything that helps you. Just try to promise that you won't do anything TODAY about it eh? And I will do the same. Girls I PROMISE I will NOT get in touch with him today ok?

And we will sort out tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

Hi Karen your words have been encouraging like we say Logic logic logic,the red flag list. I promise i wont do anything today and please you stay strong too. Each day as it comes hey.

Yep, each day indeed. Sometimes its just each hour or when its bad, less.

Grit your teeth and just say " I'll just get through this half hour, this hour, this day "

Msg me whenever you like honey if it helps stop you picking up the phone to start that awful spiral starting again xx