Around the 8 to 9 month mark, solo.
He misunderstood something quite harmless that I said and started growling down the phone..."You are such a martyr!" I had NO idea where it came from and - to me - it felt like a wild over-reaction!

A month later we were in Sydney, on holiday. Again, he picked me up the wrong way while we were going round Sydney Opera House. He stormed off ....literally. Thankfully I managed to see where he went and watched him from a far. I texted him...reached out with the olive branch ...and said "Join me for a coffee in the café"...he came, pouting.....and told me I was a terrible woman! Didnt I realise he had an inflamed prostrate! How could I be so nasty! duh?

actually I did check him out online before we started dating. His basic facts checked out. although the more I knew about him the worse it got. I saw abnormal behavior within the first couple of months when he was supposed to be coming here and diverted to some commune for an indefinite stay. A normal person would have had enough at that point, but not me, oh no! He also threw a fit about me cancelling his PO box here when he wasn't even living here and seemingly had no plans to come.

snowny like a police check? an employment check?

how do you go about doing a background check? ive always wondered, but ive never done it.

You can do a basic check on yahoo people search. The more you pay the more in depth the check will be.

just curious Draconona on a different subject after he said he didnt care about you and the baby
did he try to come back?

My ex is as clean a whistle - his employment require him to do a CRB check every 8 months.
He is not criminal just fu*ks up people's heads and leaves a trail of destruction behind him.

Its his childhood that made him the way he is.....and i think alot more went on than he would ever tell anyone.

I saw red flags from the beginning, but like many high functioning NPD's, xn was an accomplished, handsome, intelligent, successful, well read and well traveled professional. All of that was true, it was not a facade.

I never 'paid' for a search, but I found his PhD disseration on line, saw the 'reviews' on 'Rate your Professor', went to his office at the University, saw the book reviews for his book, saw the press for his book (where he was written up the paper, on talk shows, etc.) He paid off his credit cards every month (was better with money then I was), had perfect credit, etc.

The problem was that all of that 'mask of sanity' and accomplishments made it harder to see how disturbed and deadly he was. Since he was from a foreign country, I attributed endless weirdness to cultural differences AND I even mistook his pathological lying for 'authors imagination' instead of under the category of gaslighting pathological.

The relationship blew up at the 8 month mark.

Hey Solo,

Just curious, what did you find out that was alarming. Like FlipFlop above, xn is here on a work visa from another country, so any hint of trouble and he would be thrown out on his arese, so I know there is nothing criminal here besides his heartlessness.

Yes, background checks could help but as has been said with many of these guys, on the surface, they are squeaky clean.
The red flags started to appear sooner than I'd like to admit to myself but I was in denieal. At about 6 months, he started to show signs of dysfunction in a more overt manner.