Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

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JeaneR 03/20/2009

I read something the other day that was very thought provoking to me and just wanted to put it out there for discussion. It was about what attracts us to others. It said that we are not attracted to people because of their strengths-we are attracted to someone because of our own weaknesses. So I thought about myself and the men I have been attracted to. I know I feel I have low self esteem and self worth so why wouldn't I be involved with someone who treated me that way? If I as a woman, do not treat myself well or respect myself, why would someone else? It just really made me think about how important having high self esteem and self worth is. As women we need to take care of our emotional and physical health. We need to be responsible to ourselves. If we know ourselves and take care of ourselves we will not be attracted to these type of men any more.

deleted_user 03/23/2009

I agree with you completely, and I think that sometimes, we get involved with these men because we want them to try to fill a void for us, but deep down we know that it is something they can never fill, and this still dissapoints us when they don't fill it. When I met my current boyfriend, I was independant, confident and doing well for myself, then, as our relationship grew stronger, I started relying on him for my feelings of confidence and self worth. I handed him over that power, something I did subconsiously, but now that I realize it, I am taking that power and self control back, and focusing more on my needs and what makes me happy.

Dracona 03/30/2009

its good you realize that now so you can focus on finding your strenghts

deleted_user 04/03/2009

It is true that we need to take care of our self esteem and nurture it the best that we can, but is extremely difficult to do, particularly to sustain. I find that I am very confident with the people around me, colleagues, friends,etc but I go to mush the moment that I am attracted to a man. I immediately feel this need to fit in with him or make space for him so that he will be able to get to know me. Not good I know. Self esteem is easily eroded and very precious. May we all hold on to it with both hands.

deleted_user 04/03/2009

Good food for thought--- 'If like attract likes" than what signals are we giving off when we end up with Mr.Not So Wondersul? I've been asking myself that question for several months. I started writing my Life Story as suggested in Women Who Love Too Much and found the source of my low self image (dysfunctional childhood to start).
On the surface, on one would ever know that my self-esteem is shot. Every hair is in place, I wear the latest fashions, carry designer handbangs, walk with confidence , talk with confidence and smile like everything in my world is JUST DANDY. But on the inside, I've been in complete turmoil- sheer panic & feared being abandoned again. I'm learning, like all of you, to LOVE and nurture myself. We can do it ladies , Our lives depend on it.

JeaneR 04/05/2009

Innerspirit and LuvYaSelf1st,
I am also one of those individuals that project an appearance of high self-esteem and those around me certainly see a different person than how I feel about myself. Certainly we all have good days and bad days. Someday I hope for the inside to match the outside. I am starting to trust my instincts more and when I feel uneasy about someone or something- I pay attention. I have not started dating again. I also "had" always tried to "fit in" with my new relationship. For myself, I have decided that I need to take more time to find out who I really am, what I like to do, what my passion is. A relationship to me anymore is not about fitting in, it's about sharing and respect for each other. When I was in my past relationships, I felt helpless and hopeless. For the first time in a long time, I have HOPE. May we all find our path to serenity.

deleted_user 04/05/2009

With the support here, we are already on the right path to finding inner peace. Its work trying to make the inside match the outside. Its work but its possible. I believe that we ended up in bad relationships because we didn't trust our instincts. I know for sure that early in my relationship there were RED FLAGS but I dismissed them as nothing serious. I pray that I don't make that mistake ever again. I know that I LOST MYSELF in this relationship---but like most of you ladies, I'm getting to know & Love ME.

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