Solo...I meet people with diagnosis Asperger syndrom/disorder quite often in my role as carer/coach to people (mainly adults) with neuro-physical diagnoses. I think I know what you mean with your comparison...in my opinion the main similarity is the lack of empathy (see below). The big difference is though....self-awareness. Someone with AS can tell you they have it! And they seek help and support...... Unlike our NPD men!
I have been to lectures given by people with AS and they can explain how life is for them, what they have trouble with etc. More info....see text I copied from Wikipedia-

One thing though, sometimes I felt the way my exN thought, the way he behaved and the things he said were "odd" (I used the word "weird")...so in that way they maybe remind us of people with AS:
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The lack of demonstrated empathy is possibly the most dysfunctional aspect of Asperger syndrome. Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture

Unlike those with autism, people with AS are not usually withdrawn around others; they approach others, even if awkwardly. For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a need for privacy or haste to leave. This social awkwardness has been called "active but odd". This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people's feelings, and may come across as insensitive.

By the way, must say there have been some great developments in care for children and adults who have a diagnosis on the autism spectrum....well, in Sweden anyway! Cant speak for other countries....

This doesn't sound surprising at all. My x has a very pronounced case of AS, I believe. He's been to 6 different psychiatrists/psychologists over the past 10 years and although only one firmly diagnosed him as having it, the others were not sure. His mother is a psychiatrist and his father a math professor. My x is extremely intelligent in some ways--math, chess (many times champion), and can be very loving and affectionate. He does try to reach out to people but is awkward and out of sinc emotionally and psychologically with everyone else. He says stuff that just comes out all wrong and offensive, even though he has no intention of being that way to others. He is obsessed with stuff which have no logical basis, and assumes everyone else is just as obsessed as he is. He is on three different medications to keep him on track. He lives with his parents and it's like a three ring circus with them trying to get him to be just as successful as them, and him obsessing over his goal to be a billionaire (without having to work). His main brain activity consists around how he can get other people to give him money (as he doesn't want to work). He is very paranoid that people want to get the money he has saved from the periodic odd jobs he has been able to get (but has been fired from because he is socially dysfunctional). Even though we had been going out for almost two years, he would still very earnestly/nervously enquirer whether or not I had designs on his money. This was all, of course, classic AS way of thinking in that you are sure everyone else is on your own weird wavelength (a bit of projecting going on, too). He was very repetitious in his phrases and sentences--when he leaves messages on the phone I can say the words before they come out of his mouth because I know what he is going to say. He was sure that I was trying to impregnate myself with his sperm so that I could get him for child-support. He was so cheap that on our second date that he had asked me out to, he asked me to pay for the coffee for both of us. He loved to mooch off of me. One of the main reasons he liked to be with me was because I was "so nice", basically, I would take care of him (and, of course, try to control him and change him which is classic behavior of women who love too much). We had quite a game going on of playing the victim, being the persecutor, and then rescuing, in which the roles were interchangeable. Such high drama! It was all very addictive to me He still calls daily and leaves me messages telling me that he will take me back, "no questions asked", lol. I think I went a little crazy when I was with him.

"ADAM" = A good film to see on this subject....about a guy called Adam who has AS.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_%28film%29

Your replies are really interesting. Thank you. I'm not sure why I made the connection now but I did. My xN's behavior didn't really go to the extremes you're describing here. I do know he was capable of physical abuse. I found out about that AFTER I stop seeing him. Thanks for you input. I'm going to watch the film you suggested, lassie.

My xnhus was diagnosed with Aspergers just before we parted. We had gone for marriage counselling but it became separation counselling after the diagnosis. He openly admitted that he had not fallen in love with me as I had believed but had chosen me as the mother of his children and insisted that he had been right as he reckons I am a good mother so that made it all OK regardless of his total lack of empathy/remorse and bizarre obsessive behaviour. I was warned of his reluctance to take medication and the prospect of later psychosis. I believe that the psychiatrist we were seeing knew it was worse but also took into account that the important thing was for me to GET AWAY, which I did by moving to another country with the kids. The Aspergers diagnosis was more than enough for me to handle at that time.Now that I am dealing with him from a distance, things are difficult enough. I have no idea how I could have managed if we lived in the same area.
My last xn exhibited elements of Aspergers too. Obsessive and fixated to the point of distraction and socially inept at times, saying the most inappropriate things and exhibiting total unawareness of the resulting effect of his crass comments. When inebriated he was a total loose cannon.

Ok I was married to a man who had ADD and Aspergers..he loved me so much and I knew it. He did not abuse me. He had issues with consequences when it came to things he did..he didnt have any lol..he just did. It took me a while to realize that what he did a lot of the time was not to hurt me it was because he got distracted and in social situations he didnt know how to act appropriately and would embarass me with silly statements or questions. He was kind. He was gentle. Could he feel for me..yes in his way..he would do for me..he was faithful..he provided..he would do things he could...or knew how too. He could sense my feelings and he would try to do what he thought would make them better....even if it wsnt close to what I needed.( he was killed in an accident) My point is in my case he was nothing compared to this guy that has wrecked my world for 5 months....this guy he wanted to hurt me...he wanted to embarass me...he purposely acted in appropriately..he did not provide for me..he did not do for me...he did nothing he could for me....and as far as my feelings went they were an opening for him to take what he could....he was a narcsistic anti sociopath....NO COMPARISON....Aspergers is not evil.

I certainly to not have any personal experience (as in a romantic relationship) with someone with Asbergers, but from what I understand I agree completely with LadyTrue above. One of my good friends has a brother with Asbergers and she brings him around a lot to try to socialize him. He is most definitely socially awkward, but not at all malicious. He is also very smart (an engineer) but I think he is a true a 40 year old virgin and he is not a bad looking guy, just has zero social skills.

I read a memoir about a guy with Asbergers called Look me in the Eye. Interesting book. He is the brother of Augusten Burroughs who wrote: Running with Scissors (I love memoirs LOL). Anyway, they were both raised by a complete psychopath of a father (interesting also a college professor) and a bat shit crazy mother. I feel so bad for them both.

I can relate to ladytruee almost completely. I could have married my x and overlooked alot of of the socially awkward stuff and the obsessions, because he was very gentle and sweet and loved me completely...EXCEPT---his parents were very opposed to our age difference, and in wanting to please his parents, he agreed to promise to never to take the relationship to a public level/or a committed one. His parents were so opposed to our relationship (even though they hadn't met me) that they would hassle him every time he came to see me. They kept trying to get him to break it off with me. Several months before I broke it off with him for good he started hanging out with this bi-polar guy who would go into manic money spending modes and take x along for the ride. Because x was so obsessed with money and wanted other people's money, he went right along with it and was very enamored with it all. At one point when x was drunk the "friend" hired a prostitute to service him, and x (although initially he resisted) he had sex with her. My x was a virgin when we met and we had had sex, although it was only several times because his parents forbid him to have intercourse with me for fear I would have a child (condoms notwithstanding) and prior to this had been very faithful in the relationship. He was very remorseful afterward, told his parents, who told him he needed to tell me. Although they told him they thought what he had done was wrong, they also were optimistic that this would be the final thing needed to break us up. When I did break it off with him, he went to pieces and refused to stay away from me. At one point, because i didn't want him to come into the house, I called his parents to come and pick him up, because I didn't want to involve the police. They came over and we finally met; they actually discovered that they liked me once they met me, and within the next three weeks x and I got back together, this time with their quasi blessing. However, they still had a problem with the age thing, and forbade him to be seen with me in public places where their acquaintances would see us together. For me, that was the final straw. I figured if I'd already forgiven him for what happened before and was willing to give him another chance (and they LIKED him to be with me instead of the toxic "friend" who had been taking him to strip joints etc), then at the very least our relationship should be acknowledged.

I been reading your posts with interest ... When I joined this site I believed myself to be a women who loved too much ... But actually whilst I do have some tendancies I find I'm probably more Narc myself .... A friend from school who I met up with 2 years ago again tells me I'm autistic ... She said it as a joke but actually I can see why she thinks it .... I do have similarities with someone who is autistic ... In social situations , unable to get close or have feelings for people ... I use people for 'supply' myself ... When there was a list on here of someone with narc tendancies I ticked about 90% of the boxes ....