OK... so my ex has been trying, or so it seems... but with all my past experience stuck in my head, i cant decipher if he is truly trying, or if it is a ruse. and my gut feeling is 50/50.

so a list, in all your opinions/instincts, what would a man be doing, if he simply made a mistake and was trying to rectify it?

short story. he had an ex of 4 years, he said she was nuts. when he moved out he had to call the cops on her ( i was on the phone) while she started smashing his shit when he told her to get out. later i catch him hanging out with her months later, i leave. he says they were just friends, and was afraid of how i would react. said she needed help, that he thought she was trying to make her life better.

I met with her, she says they didnt sleep together, and she is batshit crazy anyway, but that she was his responsibility because he promised to always take care of her financially, that she never wanted to be with him, and that she had other boyfriends and even got married to prove to him she didnt want to be with him while she was staying with him, but that since he promised to take care of her, he always should, because why should she get a job she would be unhappy in? she also said that it wasnt fair, that me and him got to enjoy a lavish lifestyle while she sits in silence suffering without. she also kept proclaiming that she was a good kind person, and thats why he was friends with her. she also says that any success he has with the army, should be attributed to her because she prompted him to join, and he owes her. she was crying through most of this.

He cut contact for all but minor paperwork.

She messages me saying that i hope im happy, because he wouldnt meet with her so she could get on with her life, and how "smooth it was of me to pretend to be her friend to get information. and that she now found a real friend to take care of her financially.

He has changed his phone number even. he had let me vent, scream, yell at him. he has been calm. admitted his mistakes. taken ownership for his mistakes, even admitted that he still had some strange emotional connection to her, and that it was wrong of him to not want to break that attachment, and that he did feel responsible for her. that he allowed her to get into his head, cause apparently when he told her he didnt feel comfortable hanging out with her cause i wouldnt like it, she said that it was controlling of me to limit his friendships and tell him that he couldnt hang out with her. and that he should be with someone who would love him and let him be free and trust him. and he somehow started thinking that i didnt trust him, and thats where all the animosity came from. he had some anger issues, never hurt me, but he did scare the daylights out of me by throwing things, though not at me. he says he was stupid to think that she would ever change, that she even got a job for the first time since he had known her, then quit, and he thinks it was all to try to lure him back in, and it worked.

I do believe that everyone makes mistakes, though its hard to get past my hard demeanor that has been developed for years of abusive relationships. and no relationship is perfect, but i want to draw arms as soon as a man even glances at me sideways....

I still have feelings for him. we could talk about anything, and enjoyed time together. but im not STUCK on him or obsessed. and i cant get my footing on what i decide to do.