Yes. That's my answer to your question. We are teh ones with commitment issues - and that is why we end up with men who have them too.
sigh...

WHY??????!!??! What is wrong with me that I can't start to see what I want and be happy for it? Why do I start to screw things up...ever so slightly? I am just kind of bummed today. I paid more bills. I bought my plane ticket home for the Holidays. I am finally getting insurance again after 2 years of not having in January. Why am I DIGGING and DIGGING hard for things to be wrong? There has been a minor setback in my weekend plans and I am just teary and pouting. I crave joy but I sabatoge joy! WTH!?!?

I hear you.
I think we sabotage our own happiness because there is this deep seeded belief we have that if we whole heartedly enjoy being happy - it will disappear. This happens because we feel unworthy of it.
I bought Brene Brown's 'the power of vulnerability' audiobook. It really helps me to understand why I'm so screwed up lol. I think you shoudl try it.

I believe part of it is an addiction to drama and just downright boredom. We have to learn to be content with ourselves in silence. We do not have to have drama, excitement, or dysfunctional relationships to complete us. As far as the commitment issues - yes and no. I believe we may be attracted to men we know will eventually hurt and leave us because we believe we are not worthy of ones who will stay. I can say I have entered into relationships and realized it was never gonna work for one reason or another - but stayed out of guilt, Did I go into it thinking that? - no of course not. However I felt guilty leaving because of course he had issues I thought I could assist with.
It sounds to me right now that you need a drama fix. I am kind of in the same boat but forcing myself to stay in tonight and stay off my computer!! I know i could contact exes and get my drama quickly stirred up. However - all that will do is hurt me in the end. The excitement will be amazing - just as it was when we were with those men - but when that wears off we are left with our heart in our hands and them going on their happy way,
So breathe - plan something else to replace that weekend setback and love YOU this weekend. Quietly and without the drama.

The weekend is back on as planned. I did try to just get up, have a little walk, get something to eat. I have been changing my diet to exclude most carbs, gluten, sugar, diet soda, minimal coffee and I think it's affected my mood a bit at times. I have been on the "cusp" of having a lot of what I desire in life only to have it slip away before...looking back I can see how and why it happened and how I can better be prepared in the future however when I see goodness coming my way now I panic and/or, it seems like lately, sabatoge it. As for the addiction to Drama...you might have a bit of a point! I used to be much worse at engaging in drama. Case in point - A friend of over 10 years finally rubbed me the wrong way for the last time. I kindly said "I am really sorry you feel that way" and that was the last communication I had with her. I have no interest in having her in my life anymore. And I most certainly did not want to be frank with her and tell her that I had stood back and supported her in her shame of a relationship for 7 years and then stood back and supported her when she became pregnant and forced him to marry her and POOF she had the perfect family after not even living with the guy fulltime prior to the marriage. When I was younger I would have given her the business and told her all these things to her face but today I said I don't want to take your abuse and I will take the high road. I am trying to do that in my relationships with Men more and more. I have to sit back and see the positive an STOP focusing on the negative or mistakes of the past...keep it moving.

yup. Keep it moving. NEXT!

Belle how did your weekend go? Sounds like you are taking positive action.

I noticed in your post that you said your friends life went POOF and she had the perfect family. I don't think you give yourself enough credit to KNOW that forcing someone to marry you will not make for a perfect family. I think we often think that others have the perfect family or relationship. I don't believe that anymore.

I think people who genuinely work on their relationships and themselves have good relationships. They take a lot of work! They don't just POOF and happen. The POOF is what I have been doing for a long time and just hoping that things will be wonderful. Well I am proof that they did not just become wonderful. They became awful because I did no work on myself let alone the relationship. And I got exactly what I put into the relationship. Messed up stuff. Neediness, selfishness, dishonesty, shame, regrets, dishonoring my true feelings and settling for a lot less than I really wanted and deserved.

So if I stop feeling like everyone else has a wonderful relationship and start keeping my thoughts to achieving one for myself, then things go much better for me and I have more peace.

We need to value ourselves and give ourselves big pats on the back for what we are doing here at this site. We are reaching out for help with our own problems so that we may someday have a wonderful relationship. Even if that relationship only ends up to be with ourselves!

I say YAY me and YAY you!