Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I got sent two of these by Amazon so anyone need one, Im happy to post them too you no problem, Im in the UK so UK would be easiest for me!
Why does he do that?
Inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bancroft.
I have two copies Im happy to give away?
I found it a good read, quite quick to get through and written in an easy to understand way.
It does talk about changing the abuser and working towards recognition of the abuse by the abuser at the end - Im not sure about this bit. I find my assclown very difficult to discuss these things with, he changes the subject or just stares right through me.
should I attempt to discuss what I consider to be his abusive behaviour in our relationship?
I am unsure as I dont want him to be suspicious of my trying to squirrel away some money or getting out more.
Any suggestions how I can broach the subject of his controlling and disrespect.
When I leave I would at least like to be able to say I tried?!
x
Why does he do that?
Inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bancroft.
I have two copies Im happy to give away?
I found it a good read, quite quick to get through and written in an easy to understand way.
It does talk about changing the abuser and working towards recognition of the abuse by the abuser at the end - Im not sure about this bit. I find my assclown very difficult to discuss these things with, he changes the subject or just stares right through me.
should I attempt to discuss what I consider to be his abusive behaviour in our relationship?
I am unsure as I dont want him to be suspicious of my trying to squirrel away some money or getting out more.
Any suggestions how I can broach the subject of his controlling and disrespect.
When I leave I would at least like to be able to say I tried?!
x
To be honest, I think Bancroft only includes the part about changing the abuser at the back of the book so women who are not ready to leave can have some path to slowly realizing that he will never change. I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) that he says later in the book that he "has yet to meet an abuser who has made substantial changes...even through therapy".
In your case, I would not suggest discussing anything about your saving money or getting out with him. Protect yourself, you don't need his discouragement.
I would suggest when talking to him about his controlling/disrespectful attitude, just be prepared for him to minimize and deny his abuse and make you look like the crazy one. Be prepared for him to accept zero responsibility and blame you.
I just feel it would be unfair not to give him a chance, or at least not to spring it on him out of the blue!
The section in the book about which type of abuser there are is interesting, even to make me aware in the future what to look out for. My 'problem' or downfall (!) has always been that I am not able to see the bad behaviour clearly for what it is and always find a way to justify it in my mind....I am becoming clearer on things and the fantasy clouds are clearing thanks to everyone here.
xxx