yes good point, the narc i knew, has acheived nothing in life no home, no job no marriage no children he had drink issues too, all his negativity dumped my way, and somehow i wasnt wanted for keeps because he thought he was due someone better, despite the fact i bent over backwards for him. He chased after women who looked to him ok on the outside only to moan when they were either not very intel, or didnt want him, or were just wrecks like himself. All he ever went on about were shallow or material things too. Immature all the way round misplaced values and pretty much no depth.

It was an odd mix with my guy. At times I thought that he was different than all the other guys I dated. More soul to him. It was just a facade. He was much more shallow than the guys I dated who actually had careers and money and all that comes along with it. This guy was all about surface beauty. All about what kind of car his last girlfriend drove even though he drove an old beater of a little truck that had odd embarassing quirks and even broke down on us. He had to borrow his Mom's car. He always talked about how a bigger flat screen television would make him more comfortable and how he had to have it now. Priorities were all out of line! The projection was obnoxious! If he wasn't putting me down then he was telling me that I was arrogant & entitled! Ugh. So happy I threw out all his shit he left behind today and I am moving on to take care of me!

it's funny. my xn was also very superficial, though he pretended to be deep. all a façade too. he wasn't so much into super expensive things, but he was always shopping for himself, fixing his hair, worried about his looks. one thing he always did was tell me i was beautiful. he never said anything different, but that was it. nothing else mattered to him. and i always had this strange feeling that our conversations were so empty. he wasn't involved in anything other than himself, really. he never cared when my dad was sick or when my grandpa died. it's like it wasn't happening in his world.

he was cheap, never got me a cup of tea - though i always bought him gifts. he was great in bed, unfortunately. that's the one thing we did well together. and we liked the same movies and books. but no emotional connection whatsoever. he never asked me how i was doing. ever.

My guy "owned" very litttle also. In fact he had convinced himself that he would never have anything of value. I set about trying to convince him otherwise but after two years I can easily see why he doesn't have much. He sabotages his own dreams. He is so negativistic which in turn becomes the ever popular "self-fulfilling prophesy".

Mine had nothing because he felt "above" the working stiffs. He thought he was entitled to everything the working people had--but not dirty his hands. He bitterly resented people who had material things, even tho' they had EARNED them. Once he described himself as "an alpha man", which nearly caused me to laugh in his face. How do these men manage to think so highly of themselves? We women tend to internalize guilt and blame ourselves, rightly or wrongly, when we fail. Men rarely blame themselves for ANYTHING. Always somebody else's fault.

HA! This last joke thought he was better than everyone else too - even though he had NOTHING in the form of accomplishments to show for it. NADA! Again, I say I was stupid and knew full well that I was entering into a trap. I swore off live in relationships for a while & he was only a friend who was "helping me get from here to there". I know he saw me as easy prey and I think the whole thing backfired on him as well as it did on me. He couldn't handle my confidence and dynamic personality that I kept in tact DESPITE the fact that everything I owned was in storage and I was dirt poor from being unemployed and it was very hard to even get an interview let alone a job.
He blamed everyone and I mean EVERYONE else for everything. It was just crazy! He also felt better than everyone else because he didn't drink anymore. Yeah, you don't drink but you're still a dry drunk! He was so judgemental of everyone else who drank too! Doesn't AA teach you that some people can drink and others can not and to each their own path?!?!? Like some people's bodies can manage their own insulin and some can not. I tried to explain to him that just because someone goes out and ties one on doesn't mean their whole world is falling apart!!!! Everyone who had something was always "given" it. I tried to explain that a lot of hard work and dedication goes on behind the scenes.
The further away I get from this Creepy guy the more I realize that he would have never fit into my real world. Never. He would have continued to resent me. Oh, yeah, that's another thing. When you are first starting a relationship you tend to want to share experiences and what not. This guy would call me arrogant and resent me for the successes and experiences of my past.
God, I am so glad I am so DONE! I am 97% moved out of the place that he abandoned me in. This next week I will be out for good and can close that chapter! Lesson learned and this time I am not going to get into another relationship to focus my attention and take it off of that bad one. I am focusing all my attention on ME!! YAY ME!

my user abuser was also a tight ARse, took took things from me like food, etc etc but just bought stuff for him, or could i help him help him. Cant recall the thank yous either, shallow puddles eventually dry up the older they get the less people their age will have time for their surface sponging. Women today are getting wiser and have been through a few of these characters so eventually they will have no where to go we will have seen it all before. I so wish they had an online register you could just feed your has been to , to prevent another woman from the same ordeal.

Mine also achieved nothing in life. The last one, in his early 50s, with a lifetime career in the federal govt, had nothing to show for it. His house was nice on the outside, but on the inside really needed completely gutted and redone top to bottom. There were major electrical problems, the kitchen had appliances that were at least 3 decades old, his furniture was equally as old, torn up, and falling apart, his bed literally had every single spring sticking out. I remember just being in awe that someone in their 50s was living like that. Most college dorms are better and have nicer furniture. I've seen much nicer furniture on people's tree lawns.

The one before that was living completely off his father, and unemployed. His house was a disaster and even thought he was home 24/7, he couldn't take the time to clean it because eating, watching tv, and playing video games was more important.

The one before that relied on me to buy all the household items, furniture, etc. When I met him, all he had was a twin size old waterbed with no sheets, old torn and faded clothing, and falling apart walmart-grade furniture.

Basically all of them were little kids who needed a parent figure to take care of EVERYTHING for them.

Mine has gone from woman to woman (including me) to basically take care of him for the last 15 years. When we met in 1989 he had a car and an apartment and while we were married and together we always had nice apartments and cars. After we split up he went from one woman to the next including me for a place to live. I bought a house,always worked a full time job, raised two kids pretty much alone, and got a degree in social work, during the fifteen years. He got a degree and always worked, but hasn't had his own place to live since 1999, and has had two cars repo'd. The women in his life, including his new wife, have done the bulk of taking care of his sorry butt for all this time. When I put things into perspective this way, I am so grateful that I no longer have to deal with him!

The XN used to tell me that the only precious things he owned were: his big house and an I-phone. He also had loads of electronic bits, but had to buy blankets and a new bed when we started dating. I did not mind his social status because I am far to be a wealthy person.
He actually left me because he told me that his happiness was to have a bigger kitchen, a nice English garden, a better car and better status with their friends and new colleagues.
The year we went out he never worked. He was doing his decoration, socialising while I was working as slave and also in full time education!

My XN came into my life with six black bags of clothes, 12k of debt and a sob story - (Oh that psycho ex of his what a bitch, no wonder he came looking for me lol). I had been a single parent of three for ten years, managed to buy a modest house, had my own car (albeit a mini metro - the shame) - I had put myself through university and qualified to be a Probation Officer. Before I knew it I had sold my house - paid off his debts and had moved into another house with him, for which I put up 30k deposit. How did it happen - he pretended to be everything I wanted and needed - I was so sure that he was the one. Once I was in deep, my god did he change - (well he didn't really change - he showed me his real self) - bit by bit he took over my life - caused friction between me and my grown up children. They all got the measure of him, but I wouldn't listen - the XN manipulated me so much he convinced me that my children didn't love me - eventually all my kids pulled away - as that happened he drew closer to show me how much he loved me and that he could take care of me. I became an emotional cripple - empty, afraid and confused. Eventually I fled - got up one day and thought I have to get out - there was no plan - I just knew I had to get away. I moved out and rented a flat - he didn't know where I had gone. A year on and I have sorted out the practical things via a Solicitor - relations with all my children are much improved, although there is some way to go for them to be fully restored. Now the real work is underway - I am on a journey to heal the damage this man has done to me - the 70k it cost to get him out of my life is a small price to pay to be rid of him. I would pay it again in a blink to have my spirit restored - but I know it doesn't happen like that - your spirit gets crushed over time - it takes time for it to restore itself - but like all good things I know it will be worth the work and the final outcome will be wonderful - because I will be whole.

They are all parasites. Even the ones that are successful and have money like xn love to sponge off people, because they can.

Little things, like he used to do his laundry at my house and then stopped bringing his own laudry detergent and started using mine. It was so minute, who cares, but just the point that they have to take anything they can.

Kim, you sound like you are super strong to walk away like that. They are very hard to walk away from and I commend you for your attitutde that no amount of money is worth having your spirit killed.