Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hello ladies.
After several months of no contact with my ex, I contacted him again in December, I thought I was over him and that we could de friends. We met up a second time in April when he told me that he felt very sad when we split up and that he'd missed me a lot. We split up as I struggled with his friendship with the mother of his child and I did not feel like I was very important in his life, he explained that he was smoking a lot of cannabis at the time which made him not feel connected to anybody but that he stopped smoking shortly after our split as he knew that it changes his personality. Over the following weeks we reconnected and we are dating again. He is nice and attentive when we are together but does not contact me much when we are not, and he still close to his ex and they still do things together with their boy, I knew this and still got back together with him. I am a woman who loves to much and feel dreadful when I don't hear from him and I can breath again when he finally contacts me. He went to a music festival last weekend and I obsessively check facebook or websites of that festival trying to find photos of him or any incriminating evidence. I cannot switch off, I am constantly checking my phone to see if he has been online, I cannot think of anything else which makes being in a relationship truly a nightmare. How can I detach myself? Am I codependant? would anybody else accept the fact that he is good friends with his ex? would everybody else feel ok when they don't hear from the bf for a day or two?
Why is this so painful?
After several months of no contact with my ex, I contacted him again in December, I thought I was over him and that we could de friends. We met up a second time in April when he told me that he felt very sad when we split up and that he'd missed me a lot. We split up as I struggled with his friendship with the mother of his child and I did not feel like I was very important in his life, he explained that he was smoking a lot of cannabis at the time which made him not feel connected to anybody but that he stopped smoking shortly after our split as he knew that it changes his personality. Over the following weeks we reconnected and we are dating again. He is nice and attentive when we are together but does not contact me much when we are not, and he still close to his ex and they still do things together with their boy, I knew this and still got back together with him. I am a woman who loves to much and feel dreadful when I don't hear from him and I can breath again when he finally contacts me. He went to a music festival last weekend and I obsessively check facebook or websites of that festival trying to find photos of him or any incriminating evidence. I cannot switch off, I am constantly checking my phone to see if he has been online, I cannot think of anything else which makes being in a relationship truly a nightmare. How can I detach myself? Am I codependant? would anybody else accept the fact that he is good friends with his ex? would everybody else feel ok when they don't hear from the bf for a day or two?
Why is this so painful?
What I have realized in the past year of my recovery is that all my issues stem from me. They come from inside me. No one can make me feel a certain way. I create my own feelings. So to say that I am lonely means that I am not fulfilling my need to be with people. To say that I cannot function without hearing from my guy means that there is a trust issue in me that I am not meeting. And to say that I am unhappy because I don't know if he loves me or not, means I am not fulfilling my need of loving myself. I have learned all this stuff and yet I too still feel these awful feelings now and then. I know what I need to do, but have a hard time actually getting out and doing them.
So be kind to yourself and seek all the answers to your questions. You are asking all the right questions. You have all your answers inside you, you just need someone to point the way for you. Read the book WHLTM again, it does give some clear directions on what to do to change these behaviors.