Thhat seems exactly what anger is for -- the push you need to get over the fear of changing. Yay you!

For me anger is a sign of moving toward acceptance! Don't be too hard on yourself though Shani...endings are not always easy. Go you!

Good for you Shani. Big leap for you for realizing what felt good and what DIDN'T feel good. I just pumped my fist in the air for you in jubulence. Inspiring post! xoxo

I wish I could get angry with my ex, but he isn't around for me to do that. I feel like I never got closure with him and sad as it is, still miss him. I'm coming up to my year mark of him leaving so I had to visit my therapist yesterday just for a check in. I don't usually get too angry about things but what I found in my marriage was if I did show anger or want to fight, it would back fire on me and he would end up leaving. So I learned to watch what I said and to try and always be upbeat when I really wanted to throw a tantrum or yell and scream. I'm a fighter, he was a runner and still is to this day. It's really messed up my head so I need to learn that it's ok to show emotions, whatever they may be and if I'm in a healthy relationship, it will be ok. This healing and letting go stuff really takes its toll in more ways than one. Good luck and I think now that you've come to a decision, it will help you move forward.
Hugs~

Yougo I totally understand about the fighting and running. I always got upset at hubby(I actually am ready to call him the ex! : ) ) and he would turn away and go into the garage to hide out. He NEVER participated in any discussions I wanted to have. When we decided to try out a counselor after I had left for about three months she asked him what time he could give me to discuss things and get together? He said before work (this would have meant before 7am) or maybe he could do from 1pm to 3pm on a Saturday. THAT was his answer!!! He was only willing to get together and discuss stuff for 2hrs once a week on a saturday!! And he was the one who wanted to get back together at that point! What a joke he was. He also always blamed me for upsetting the kids and the whole household when I would get angry with him and want to discuss stuff. He said I was the reason that we did not have a peaceful house. It was'nt until the counselor told him that RUNNING away from a discussion is as BAD as getting in someone's face and yelling. You are telling the person when you run away that they are not even worth talking to and you are totally disrespecting them as a human being! So both ways of communication are bad. The idea is to communicate in a rational manner. Runners have little to no communication skills and I personally will never be with a person like that again. It was awful. I felt like I lived alone. I felt like I WAS the problem because he would not even give me the time of day. I felt worthless. Now I know it was not all me. We need to be made to feel worthy of our feelings. Worthy of expressing our concerns, even if they are not nice. We cannot always be upbeat and we deserve to have someone to lean on once in awhile when we are feeling down. I need that in a partner. Hang in there yougo you will find a nice listener some day. And you will have wonderful conversations that make you feel good.

Shani, I totally lived that life with my ex. I was never a priority to him and he had excuses for everything, the stories I could tell. I found a really, really good book to read "Healing from Neglect" that helped me understand and believe that it was HIS issues, not mine. It helped me to still love and understand him and that he would have left anyone he was with, I just happened to be the one this time. As much as I still love and adore him and would probably take him back if he ever came back, I know that I would expect and deserve things to be different. When you're in this type of relationship, you turn a blind eye to the things they do, the way they treat us because we love them. We end up making excuses for them when we're the ones hurting and being emotionally abused. They do tend to blame us for all of the wrong's in the relationship when we are just trying to make things better. I really miss the man I fell in love with but I don't miss the man who left. We went to counseling too but he quit going after a couple of weeks, just didn't show up for a session, I kept going for myself. Later I found out he stopped going because he didn't like the counselor.....just another excuse, we could have easily found one he did like. He didn't tell me things because he knew I'd get mad, another excuse. His reason for leaving: "because I can not make you happy" Of course I said I am happy, I can change, I will do anything for you to stay, all BS. What was he doing to make me happy? NOTHING.

so here I am a divorced woman, missing a man who doesn't give me the time of day and it has taken me close to a year to figure out that I'm OK but guess what? I am ok, I'm moving on, I'm finally happy and finally able to let him go. Some days I'd like to tell him to KISS MY A** but I won't, that's not me, I am just a woman who believes in love, gives love and just wants to be loved back. Not too much to ask, it happens every day, I just need to be careful in who I fall in love with next time. There has to be a few decent guys out there, right? Thanks for listening and have a great weekend, whoohooo.....