Have that coffee and go out and stare at the beach/sun. Think of bathing yourself in the sun and relax. Let the thoughts pass by. I know it's easier said than done. But try.

It's a flow. I get it. Sometimes you feel like you are through it and then the feelings come back. It was too short to be that hard, right?

Huggzz to you Missmom....YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS POND SCUM!!...

Dont do it. Its drama. Drama is so addicting. Just walk away. Think about the peace that you will feel once you get over it.

it is hard to let go. i've been fighting the urge to contact him too. i choose instead to remember that last email i sent him. the one where i spoke of how he had treated me and exactly how much that hurt. i sent that email because i wanted it written in stone - the true nature of that relationship. how unloved and unimportant being with him always ended making me feel. as a child, i absorbed into my conscienceness that life was about surviving in a little box of being unloved and feeling unimportant. i hoped and wished that someday the people that were hurting me would stop the pain and instead hold me and love me as a human ought to be held and loved. this is the script i find someone to act out with me again and again. i believe so that when it is time, i can see that life is about so much more and climb out of the box.

we are worth the pain and sufferring of walking away from an unhealthy relationship. we can love and treasure ourselves. we can have relationships with others that treat us well. you are a beautiful person missmom. a white bird in a gilded cage. open the door and set yourself free. love you

Thank you everyone. I love you too swelsha..all of you.
I did have that coffee, a double espresso at that. And then i went to the beach. The urge passed but im still in a bit of a funk today...i guess i have to accept it for what it is and let it take its course.
I'm glad I didn't delete our last interaction, when i ended it, when i told him how unacceptable his behavior is. I reread it almost every day because it gives me strength and stops me from contacting him. It reminds me why I'm hurting today, and why i'm better off feeling the pain i'm feeling now rather than the one when i was with him. 'with'. Whatever that means.
Sigh....

Miss--has he ever responded to that text/email?
I have done the same--spilled my heart and let everything be known. In my case, I have received back messages like: xoxoxo or :( or I love you...with no true response to what I wrote.
I need a man who can read my truth and respond completely with integrity to what I feel/think. Give back. You deserve the same.

*missmom a double espresso is an excellent choice :) I understand what you're saying by having to accept the situation for what it is and let the pain take its course. I basically don't have any other choice as well. (hug)

Miss,

Effin right its hard!

I'm tired of fighting it.

It's ridiculous.....this guy is sooooooooo under my skin right now.

You sound like you handled it well.

Good girl:)

Thanks guys.
Creo, he had responded to that rant. But this was 3 weeks ago. He tried to justify every accusation, he said i'm always looking for trouble where there isn't any. He said that he is who he is and will not change for anyone and that if i can't handle it, then maybe he isn't the guy for me. That's when i asked him if someone told him to eat shit, would he? I said, ya, me neither. I told him i can't handle it, i'd have to be an idiot to handle that crap.
About a week later, he texted me to have a good trip and to be safe. Then there was that incident with his cousin's wife on facebook. I haven't responded to anything.

There were also a few trivial texts here and there but like you said, creo...nothing even resembling an acknowledgment of his errors. He would never own up to his fck ups. Not outright anyway.

Right. Got it. My ex used the same line, "You make problems where there are none." which would serve to both make me the wrong party and get him off the hook in terms of having to do anything. Clever.
I like your response re: shit. A good one to remember.
Keep going. It will be okay.

He's so thick. When i said that about eating shit, he said 'ok, i never said that !'
What a dumbass.

And yes, creo. M would cleverly take the innocent route too. Which always ended with my caving and starting the vicious cycle again. The last time we reunited he actually said 'ah, so you realized you were being an idiot by ending it again?'. This was his response to my admitting that i missed him.
Jerk