Wow I have definately been there and walk in and out of this place.

Whenever I read about low self esteem one thing bothers me: HOW CAN I CHANGE IT? I've been on this track forever, what can I do to improve it? I feel lost and helpless, but it's one of the "symptoms" I guess. On the other hand - I don't think repeating "I'm great, I'm wonderful" will REALLY change anyting. This whole self esteem issue always makes me so confused!!!

This is me. IT not only pours our into my relationship with people, but also is a mindset when I set out to get jobs. I never went for great paying jobs. I would be defeatest and just think I lacked whatever the employer was looking for but never knew what IT ever was to fix it! It really is a mindset. I'm working on it...

Yep I am working on this too, sometimes I feel great but at times guilt takes over etc and feel flat again. I keep on working on the steps to recovery in the book, I will get there, if we can put so much energy into those unavailable men we should certainly be able to do it with ourselves!

Very true, Vickyoz! Heck, I need to be the support system to myself that I am to men in my life, wow! Watch out world! lol :)

the change comes slowly, and i dont think we are ever completely healed. even when we find that nice guy. but at least now, i can be alone with myself happily.

I think settng boundaries is helping me with my self esteem. I know I am a worthwhile human being and I am not going to disrespect myself like I have allowed others to do to me in the past. Or I guess, like I have allowed to happen in the past. It's like self protection. I have started to trust myself to take care of and protect ME. It makes me feel very safe. I am working hard to stay connected to my feelings and act in my best interest. Take all that energy that has been focused outward and use it to heal yourself.

i still struggle with this unworthiness and guilt

Boy, this keeps hitting me.
I was just driving in my car and passed a woman who was very attractive. The first thing I thought was, I bet my ex would like her...
I've been through so many relationships with men who can't connect, and I'm left feeling like something is wrong with me (and I give and give trying to amend that feeling only to be left).
I clearly need to heal from those relationships -- and my childhood stuff, so I don't look at other women as better than me... I need to recognize my beauty. I'm clearly not there yet..
boo.

I can say i too need to work on this and as someone say I am not to sure how to heal it and make it better. I have been trying to start doing things that I used to love to do and make me feel better, like exercising, doing my hair, and putting make up.
Is a superfical thing but as a woman it makes me feel good. I too look at other woman and think im less attractive-especially since in my culture women are suppose to have a big butt. But you know what? I have a compact rear lol, and it goes perfect with my body, and I like the fact I am different. And I am starting to embraise and love myself for how i look, with my virtues and my flaws, and im feeling pretty good.
Plus, like the veggie tales say, God made me special and loves me very much! What else can I ask for more than unconditional love than that? :)

Wanted to bump this to the front...