Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
I just finished reading 'Women Who Love Too Much' as it was recommended by my therapist. I, of course relate to a lot of the stories in the book. As a child, I learned to just stay quiet and out of the way. My emotional needs were not met and so I became a very introverted, quiet person.
In high school, I met my to be husband. I think I was always attracted to him because he actually listened and was interested in me. Throughout the years and after high school, we remained friends, but I had some other unhealthy relationships during that time and I remained introverted. Eventually we got together and he tried to get me to talk to him, but without realizing it, I wouldn't share much and he got tired of prying, so he just stopped and became unhappy in his own way. He saw my neediness a few years before we got married. He tried his best to get me to find new friends and go out with my old friends more. I took this more of him trying to step away from our relationship. We went and saw a therapist that helped us a lot and we got married.
I see now that he had "'diagnosed" my loving too much before I ever knew what was going on. I still could not believe that he actually wanted to be with me. Even after we got married. This feeling made me crazy and I went back to my therapist who has been helping greatly! I separated from my husband and told him I need time to get over this disease. He is handling it ok and still very supportive which makes it harder to not focus on him.
The whole concept of loving myself is both foreign and scary. I am really happy to have found this website for the support I know I need and will be needing!
In high school, I met my to be husband. I think I was always attracted to him because he actually listened and was interested in me. Throughout the years and after high school, we remained friends, but I had some other unhealthy relationships during that time and I remained introverted. Eventually we got together and he tried to get me to talk to him, but without realizing it, I wouldn't share much and he got tired of prying, so he just stopped and became unhappy in his own way. He saw my neediness a few years before we got married. He tried his best to get me to find new friends and go out with my old friends more. I took this more of him trying to step away from our relationship. We went and saw a therapist that helped us a lot and we got married.
I see now that he had "'diagnosed" my loving too much before I ever knew what was going on. I still could not believe that he actually wanted to be with me. Even after we got married. This feeling made me crazy and I went back to my therapist who has been helping greatly! I separated from my husband and told him I need time to get over this disease. He is handling it ok and still very supportive which makes it harder to not focus on him.
The whole concept of loving myself is both foreign and scary. I am really happy to have found this website for the support I know I need and will be needing!
Don't worry too much about your Relationship with your husband. That will evolve and sort out by itself.
I understand from your writing that what you are carrying from your childhood is lack of confidence, devaluation of yourself and paralizing shyness.
All these are typical of women who love too much.
It's great that you are seeing a helpul therapist but your work with her need not be arranging your Relationship but concentrating in what needs to be developed in yourself and for yourself.
Of course that man has wanted to marry you. What a question. You must beleive you are all there is of a great person and a wonderful woman and Worth all the love and the attention in the world.
While you grow into enlarging your self confidence and self love and self assurance with your thérapist, try saying some affirmations in front of the Mirror like Robin suggests:
Something like:
"I am lovable and deserve all the best that life can give"
"I love you (say your name) and I trust you can achieve anything you wish"
" I let go all the pain of the past and welcome the abundance of love of the days to come".
"I am unique and deserve the best"....... etc.
(Try and make some affirmations of your own).
Warm hugs to you,
Maria