Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time, or is too expensive if it will "help" the man we are with.
The theory is that if it works, he will become everything we want and need, which means we win the struggle for the love and understanding we've wanted for so long.we go through any lengths to help him.
-buying him clothes to improve his self image
-finding a therapist for him and begging him to go
-financing expensive hobbies o help him use his time better
-giving him half or all of our propery and possessions so he wont feel inferior to us.
-allowing him to abuse us emotionally because "he was never allowed to express his feelings before" or because he was hurt before and we are being understanding.
-finding him a job
just some examples. we spend a lot of time trying to think up new things that could improve his life or make him happy.
The theory is that if it works, he will become everything we want and need, which means we win the struggle for the love and understanding we've wanted for so long.we go through any lengths to help him.
-buying him clothes to improve his self image
-finding a therapist for him and begging him to go
-financing expensive hobbies o help him use his time better
-giving him half or all of our propery and possessions so he wont feel inferior to us.
-allowing him to abuse us emotionally because "he was never allowed to express his feelings before" or because he was hurt before and we are being understanding.
-finding him a job
just some examples. we spend a lot of time trying to think up new things that could improve his life or make him happy.
Time to change our habits, and not do those things..
Time to change our taste in men, as to what we find attractive...
But most importantly, time to change our long suffering habits, and to heal ourselves, and to love ourselves... 2009 is the year for positive changes. Sometimes the most growth and happiness come from the most challenging and harrowing times
To never be a woman who loves to much again!
Working on breaking this.
He liked certain things from certain speciality shops, a particular bread from one place, a paritcular dessert from another, a specific juice from the Farmers market. Every Thursday I would run around like a crazy person, after work, in rush hour traffic to make sure all of his favorite treats were here. I guess I should note that he never asked me for any of those things, I would just make note (I studied him like a SAT prep class) of anything that really liked and then WANT to have it here for him, hoping that would ensure his weekly return.
When I think back the thing that makes me angriest was once he wrote me and told me that he was very sick and weak and had not eaten anything all day long. He wrote me this at 8pm at night. I told him I would be right over with soup, even though I lived close to 2 hours away. I quickly made homemade soup and drove over there. When I got there he was FINE. He was not even remotely sick. But I did not even confront him, even though I was so perplexed. Why did you tell me that? Anyway, I heated up his soup and left there around 12:30am, not getting home until 2:30 am and being COMPLTELY exhausted the next day for work.
I spoke to my recent ex today, and even though I don't want to be with him anymore, I still found myself thinking about him for an hour and a half, feeling sorry/pity for him...
I can not help him.... but it is very easy to fall back into that way of thinking.... I have to see him tomorrow as he has something of mine, but am going to be strong.. not going to go back to that hellish emotional stressful state.
Love should not need effort, love should just be.
We shouldn't have to prove ourselves or do all those crazy things.
We really do need to heal ourselves so not to attract that kind of unhealthy partner again.
But it is easier said than done, and I think it is a long road which requires much self checking.
The important thing for me to see in this is that I DID IT. I wanted so badly to be loved that I tried to Make him love me by giving.....
Now -- I'm learning to give all that wonderful sharing and nurturing and kindness to ME>>>>>
No one deserves it more than Me... All of us on this site deserve to receive what we have given to the men.. Now that we are aware of how destructive that old behavior was, we can try to catch ourselves when we want to try to get someone to like or love us ... and instead decided to give something to ourselves...
It's a day-by-day process... slowly building that strength.. It's like building a house brick - by - brick.. It's slow, but we'll wake up one day down the road and say, "wow.... this feels different"