You can do it! After a year of going around and around trying to win with my guy, every time I wanted to keep battling, to fix the injustice, to make him get how much we belong together, I chose me. I still want to win, I still want to fight to fix the injustice, but realizing that I can't expect him to be honest with himself about his limitations if I can't even do that for myself seemed to be the turning point. That was 40 days ago. The pain of facing the emptiness is unbearable. But somehow all the cheesy affirmations have helped. "The only way out is through." There were weeks where it seemed like all the promises of the pain getting better someday were absolute crap because all I could feel was stronger and more acute pain. But I'm just now starting to get some glimpses, each morning that I wake, where I don't want to disappear, I don't want to beg someone who hurt me to love me. I choose me. Hang in there.

Also, I'm reading, "All About Love," by Bell Hooks and it is giving me some comfort. It's a less clinical kind of book about healthy love and it's helping me to form hope and a tangible sense of what that would look like. That's the most painful part for me...realizing that I really am terrified of accepting healthy love because I just don't know how. This book is making the process feel normal and positive. It's also helping me put a face on all the unhealthy feelings about love that I don't want to feel anymore and helping me feel and believe that they are something I never want to let have power over me again. I want healthy love and I'm determined to be brave enough to feel all the pain I need to in healing myself to get there. I've come too far not to heal.

Don't give up. This journey we have found ourselves on is hard. I struggle almost every day BUT my good days far out weigh my bad days now. Depression is hard to get out of. An unhealthy relationship doesn't help those issues.
I don't have much to offer today but this past week I've been struggling with wanting my emotionally unavailable ex back and I was seriously starting to go back down that road (we were married for 7 years, he dumped me in Feb. 2014, divorced in Jan. 2015) This morning I woke up and said to myself, why the hell would I go back to that kind of life????? I deserve better, he is never going to get well, never going to commit to me or any relationship. Get over it. I drove to work and noticed all of the beautiful things God has placed right in front of me and I felt hope and happiness, finally. I know those sad thoughts and feelings will come and go but today is a good day. So once again, I start my no contact with my ex. Some days are hard, I consider him my addiction and it is a battle I fight with almost daily. I have come a long way though and with each no contact period I go through I get stronger and healthier.

Hang in there, time really is your friend, I promise you will see the light but to get there you have to go through ALOT of pain and tears and wondering. Please be gentle with yourself and know that we are here for you.

@ dayone, I'm very interested in the book you mentioned, I am going to get a copy. I feel like you nailed it on the head when you said:
"book about healthy love and it's helping me to form hope and a tangible sense of what that would look like. That's the most painful part for me...realizing that I really am terrified of accepting healthy love because I just don't know how"

I totally related to that comment, so thank you for sharing.

Sending hugs to all of you ladies "who love too much" We are going to make it!!!!!

for me hitting rock bottom meant precisely what dayone described -- the unbearable pain of facing the emptiness. although i would add "fear" to that idea as well -- the pain and fear of facing the inner void. it was absolutely terrifying. but the fact is, i had no choice but to face it by the time i hit bottom: it was do or die.

that was the point when, slowly slowly SLOWLY, things started looking up. was i "really" not worth loving? or was that some idea i had somehow inherited and if so, where did it come from? gradually untangling that pain-filled knot was hard but it was worth it, because today i am feeling strong and optimistic and happy and ooking 100% forward to the future.

what's really exciting is, i am also feeling like the unhealthy relationships in my life are a thing of the past. like many of us here, i too had to realize that my sense of "unworthiness" was really the fear of accepting healthy love because I just didn't know how... my parents didn't know how to give or receive love... their parents didn't either. it's nobody's fault. but now, having gone through my past with a fine-toothed comb and answered a few important questions for myself, i am actually EXCITED to think the rest of my life is going to be devoted to exploring this question. how can i give and receive love in the best possible way? what does that mean for me?

anyway, all this to say HANG IN THERE, you do have to go through the pain for it to pass but it DOES pass, i never thought i would feel happy again and boy was i wrong. big hug to you.

Aw, hugs doreann. You are worth loving. You are worthy of love. Even if you don't believe it. You are.

The fact that you can acknowledge that you are depressed I think is a really good step forward (even if it feels like shit and like a step backwards). That you can acknowledge that this is the way you truly feel today. Admitting WE have issues (rather than focusing on fixing other people's lives) is a big step and one I'm constantly having to revisit over and over in my recovery.

Bad days where we need to just feel like sh** and let out all the pain I think are important in healing. We have been hurt and we have issues. That is our truth and it feels horrible. That is why we are WWLTM. Go at your own pace and if you need to stop because it's too overwhelming, then that's ok.

Please hang in there with NC. 13 days is a huge achievement, and each day in a step in the right direction for you. Even if it feels horrible and empty. You are building yourself a better future. You won't notice the difference right away, but it will pay off big time. Imagine in a year now, looking back, how great you will feel that you triumphed over this man.

Hugs and keep us updated x