Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
this isnt exactly on topic, but i really need help with this, and im having a hard time dealing with this emotionally, and im not sure how i should feel.
My pretty little girl, 18 months old now... is still biting. she started around 11 months old and hasnt stopped, and she knows she isnt suposed to. i have tried EVERYTHING. from time outs, to spending more time with her, to socializing her, to working on other avenues to vent when she is angry, tried to get her to kiss instead of bite, explain to her it hurts and is unacceptable, i make her say sorry to whoever she bit, and she does, she also plays the kiss not bite game with me, but she just randomly BITES people, particularly other kids. older, or younger. and she bites hard, draws blood, i dont know what to do. a friend of my roomates came over with a girl her age, we let them play, they were doing fine, then just out of the blue, she walks up to her, sticks her finger in her mouth, and bites, HARD. i had to pry her off the other kids finger. the finger swelled up. then i find out they were asking if she had shots cause they wanted to take her to the hospital to get her checked out cause the bite was so bad. today i had a friend over for dinner with her younger baby and 5 year old son.
she bit both of them. she was playing in her room wth the boys and bit them. i made her say sorry. she did and they played for a while longer without problems. she did bite him again later. we had dinner, she was good, ate her dinner, even got to sit on the big people chair and be a big girl. the kids were all in the living room. the baby, was crawling on the ground playing with a toy. we all had our heads turned and hear a scream.... the baby was crying and my daughter was standing next to her looking guilty. there was a HUGE bite mark on the side of the baby's face. swelled up, huge bite marks. baby kept crying. i immediately sent her to bed. no ba ba. no bedtime songs and stories, NOTHING. just in bed, lights out, end of story.
I FEEL HORRIBLE. really? what can i do to make her stop. ive tried everything anyone has ever told me. YES i have bitten her back, Yes i have even smacked/flicked her pretty hard in the mouth, yes i have tried other avenues, yes i try to spend time with her, we spend 3 uninturrupted days together a week. i try to take her to parks, play with her. those are her days. she is with me and austin only pretty much now, we changed our schedules so she is not with babysitters. what if she scratches someones eye out? or actually bites a chunk out of someone? she has come close. people are even asking me if my daughter has all her shots.
why is she doing this. im going to see a child phsycologist or something. im really upset about all this.
am i this bad of a mother? did i mess up because im so messed up with my own emotions?
My pretty little girl, 18 months old now... is still biting. she started around 11 months old and hasnt stopped, and she knows she isnt suposed to. i have tried EVERYTHING. from time outs, to spending more time with her, to socializing her, to working on other avenues to vent when she is angry, tried to get her to kiss instead of bite, explain to her it hurts and is unacceptable, i make her say sorry to whoever she bit, and she does, she also plays the kiss not bite game with me, but she just randomly BITES people, particularly other kids. older, or younger. and she bites hard, draws blood, i dont know what to do. a friend of my roomates came over with a girl her age, we let them play, they were doing fine, then just out of the blue, she walks up to her, sticks her finger in her mouth, and bites, HARD. i had to pry her off the other kids finger. the finger swelled up. then i find out they were asking if she had shots cause they wanted to take her to the hospital to get her checked out cause the bite was so bad. today i had a friend over for dinner with her younger baby and 5 year old son.
she bit both of them. she was playing in her room wth the boys and bit them. i made her say sorry. she did and they played for a while longer without problems. she did bite him again later. we had dinner, she was good, ate her dinner, even got to sit on the big people chair and be a big girl. the kids were all in the living room. the baby, was crawling on the ground playing with a toy. we all had our heads turned and hear a scream.... the baby was crying and my daughter was standing next to her looking guilty. there was a HUGE bite mark on the side of the baby's face. swelled up, huge bite marks. baby kept crying. i immediately sent her to bed. no ba ba. no bedtime songs and stories, NOTHING. just in bed, lights out, end of story.
I FEEL HORRIBLE. really? what can i do to make her stop. ive tried everything anyone has ever told me. YES i have bitten her back, Yes i have even smacked/flicked her pretty hard in the mouth, yes i have tried other avenues, yes i try to spend time with her, we spend 3 uninturrupted days together a week. i try to take her to parks, play with her. those are her days. she is with me and austin only pretty much now, we changed our schedules so she is not with babysitters. what if she scratches someones eye out? or actually bites a chunk out of someone? she has come close. people are even asking me if my daughter has all her shots.
why is she doing this. im going to see a child phsycologist or something. im really upset about all this.
am i this bad of a mother? did i mess up because im so messed up with my own emotions?
I ahve a diploma in early childhood Development and six years working with kids 0-5 years old. It is so so common for children her age to bite. And for the most part it is just a stage that they go through and will grow out of. They do it for different reasons. A cupple suggestions i have... is it possible she is teething or some teeth are maybe hurting her? You could try giving her other things to bite on a teething ring or some sort of like chew toy. Also could have something to do with sensory issues. Your daughter perhaps is craving the pressure that she feels in her mouth/teeth when she bites. sometimes kids with sensory problems don't even realize how hard they are biting because they can't feel the pressure on themselves until they are REALLY biting the other person/thing HARD.
I would google - Biting with Toddlers or something like that. and maybe even google- Sensory Development in toddlers.
Hope this gives you a bit of insight and help
Tracy
perhaps giving her something else to do with her mouth...sometimes gum or a sucker even a popsicle. if it is a sensory thing these things might give her the feelings that she needs in her mouth.
ive googled everything under the sun. and the only thing ive found is that there is something wrong with her. this is extremely excessive. and her biting is random. there is no pattern to it. I wonder if it was from when i was pregnant, all those horrible emotions in me, because of my ex, what he did to us.
is that possible? did i hurt her?
For a while in my really dark phase I wondered if I had past on a genetic defect, but this caused me nothing but stress, and it sure didnt help others diagnoising with no knowledge ie Autism ADD and all the rest.
I found parenting groups great and they lightened my mental bad mother load too.
Sorry hope this rambling helps.
maybe i would like to go for a drive. maybe i would like to visit friends once in a while. but i own my responsibilities, while he pretends they dont exist. he has no right to even claim her.
As for the X man I hear you, "...I am a great parent I throw gifts at them and I am so cool and I have a great new partner....blah blah blah all our old friends like me more....blah blah blah..why dont you do this or that should could...mani am tired of carrying on there dialogue for them" Its strange I have slowed down the need to defend myself because I know the real them and the kids will unfortunately as well.
You are doing great.
im enjoying it. dont have to worry about anything yet. and i hope i never
Man it must be so hard and I know it is, I am not in another relationship so I dont have that fun/drain. I feel a lot of angry (sorry for lack of better description) in your post are you in that phase I find it strange I can only pick up buts and drips of my anger, maybe it too much for me at the moment.
I really understand the in your face stuff snd I really am still holding the many wounds and I am just enjoying me my kids and the free feeling, but the anxciety is still to close for me to feel completely safe
i could have gone backpacking through europe, gone anywhere, done anything, gone to college, whether or not my family was supportive. i was independent enough to take care of myself at 16, i could have made use of that time. i already lived on my own with a boyfriend, who was another right after the first one to hurt me. and it never stopped. i remember how i felt i could change the world with the right man.
there were so many things i wanted to do, wanted to be, and i threw it all away on THEM.
it all hits us in different ways, and we all have to find a way to heal, and some of us need others to help with the stitches. i wish these feelings would go away. its even hard to enjoy my daughter through this right now, i love her, and i already feel like i have failed her because im unhappy, and dont always give her the attention she deserves, and i feel bad when this happens, but i cant stop it sometimes.
i NEVER feel like i spend enough time with her. i wish i didnt have to work.