Dracona is an amazing women.

I so completely agree with this statement..I have terrible abandonment issues from a very dysfunctional childhood to every serious relationship I have ever had ending badly..just looking for someone to love me as much as I do them...

This is my biggest problem. I have serious abandonment issues. And of course only choose men who are emotionally unavailable and will ultimately abandon me. Both my parents were emotionally unavailable so I've been abandoned my entire life.

At least we know what our problems are and hopefully with this awareness means that we will not be in this situation in 10 years down the road

this is definitely one of my issues. my ex recently said to someone that i over reacted to everything. i confronted him about it, and asked him what he expected me to do when i've been told again and again i wasn't wanted, but every time he wanted me back. i even,in one of those moments of poor judgment where you spill how you feel to them, told him that i was afraid he was going to abandon me and leave me here in this horrible town we live in. boy was i ever right.

The song "So Unsexy" by Alanis Morrisette resonated with me for years
When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

I grew up with long hospital stays that i saw as abandonement by people who just didn't care if i was scared or hurt or lonely. when i grew up i was never afraid of being hit i was afraid of being left. which i was anyway eventually.

we will never be alone if we can learn to love ourselves, because then we always will have that person in the mirror, and have strength to not let ourselves down, when the world around us crumbles.

How interesting that i recently came to this in my 12 step program. I shared that i had been thinking that i could only count on my higher power but that recently i realized that as i learned to love me the way my higher power does, unconditionally, i can have a 2nd person to count on who's always there for me, me. Thanks for confirming that for me.

Wanted to bump this post to the front...

that's exactly it !!! I will do anything to make him stay !! WHY ??? When all he does is cause me hurt and pain ???

Excactly !!! I don't want him to leave .. WHY ??? If all he keeps causing me hurt and pain ???

We stay, and we obsess because it's far easier to worry about someone else than to have to actually see and deal and FEEL what's really going on inside of ourselves.

We constantly try to validate ourselves using outside sources. We think, if we only PROVE to him how WORTH loving HE IS... everything will be better. I'll have that PERFECT ROMANCE that every girl dreams of. I know better, because I can SEE IT IN HIS EYES. HE JUST NEEDS MY LOVE.

We try to play GOD in a man's life.

Why?

Because we desperately wish that someone would play GOD in ours, and make US ultimately important.

But you know what? When we do that, play God, we get in GOD'S WAY......... and we take the reins from HIS hands. We close our hearts off to Him, and He cannot work His glorious miracles.
"For those who have ears to hear, listen."

I am finally (slowwwwwwwwly) coming to understand what God's love is all about, and it's about taking weak, broken people and putting them together again in His image. It's not about eradicating our weaknesses so much as teaching us to value ourselves as much as GOD values us. God says, I don't make junk. We are NOT junk.

My .02 worth.

<3