Miss

Take some deep breaths and think.....What will talking to him achieve? Will it make things any better? Will it take you back to square one??? Will it re-open all the old wounds and hurts? I'm right where you are...sitting with the pain and sadness. I know it will pass its got to... Find something to distract you in this moment....

Please don't do it!! I just got a book today called Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy. It's about the power of no contact. There are other such books also. It teaches us to take our power back from them. By contacting him you are showing him how needy you are, which is exactly why he ran to begin with. You want to fix this by communicating but that is exactly why he's running. You have to show him (and yourself) that you have self respect. That you have your own life. That if he doesn't respect you, you don't need him.

Here are a few passages I just highlighted a few min ago:

Often, men mistake love for neediness, when in fact you're trying to make the relationship work.

By not allowing him to know where you are and what you are thinking, you slowly plant the seeds of insecurity and rejection he has made you feel right back to him. And to accomplish this, you have to make him feel you are no longer his.

Going no contact means you are going to accept the breakup for what it is, regardless if you have closure or not, and quietly vanish from radar. Women who truly understand their self worth do not pursue men. And a man won't value you if you immediately go into overdrive to fix a relationship after a breakup.




And maybe get a friend to hold your phone for you. Or delete his number. Even if you don't block him. Then he can still get through but you won't have the immediate access to contact him.

Hello,
I was active on this site about 4 years ago...I went back and reread what I wrote today. Wow is all I can say! Do whatever you have to do to NOT contact this guy. I will tell you it will only prolong the inevitable! I went back to my EX about 2 times and it was a disaster. Be prepared because he will probably contact you. They always do. I let my EX back in about 2 times and each time it took less and less time for us to hit the wall! I finally realized that this joke was NEVER going to fill this void in me and saw him for the loser that he is!
Be strong girl!

And also, what Lally said. If you contact him, you won't feel better. You'll actually feel worse because he'll probably reject you again by ignoring it. That's the mistake I made a few days ago.

Thank you both. That helped.
I like this:

Women who truly understand their self worth do not pursue men.

i hope you are feeling better Miss. It's very hard and I fully empathize. It's also frustrating when you just don't get what happened.
Here is what came to mind for me when I was reading this thread. Have you ever really, really liked someone and then suddenly or gradually lost the feeling? A few years ago I dated a man for about six weeks. I had had a crush on him for years (or thought he was very handsome at least). He was available, I was available, lots in common including friends and I jumped in with both feet. He is a very nice man, a mature man and a person looking for a commitment. The chemistry was not there for me and I had already expressed all sorts of crazy commitment like things (like talking about the future, encouraging him when he was nervous to share with his kids that we were dating, etc.) and then inside a week, I was out. I felt so badly about it, guilty, shitty. I look like the bad guy in this situation and I did hurt this man. He was left scratching his head trying to figure it out and asked me questions about whether it was class related (his insecurity, not mine), etc., etc. It was just connection lost, and in this case not good sexual chemistry for me but it might have been something else. I felt shallow but the lesson I learned was that I shouldn't decide someone is 'it' before I really know them, it's cruel and unfair to both of us. I think internet dating can really speed things up too--lots of flirting online, connection that is there or imagined and so by a few dates in you feel like you are in a full-on relationship.
Don't beat yourself up, sometimes it just wasn't meant to be and it went too far too fast.
I am sorry you are hurting though.

I got a funny one to add that will hopefully make you laugh. I just read this:

Make a vow never to chase a man, even if he grabs your purse and runs with it.

thanks creo.
yes, it went too fast, i think.

love that line agent smith.

it's so hard and painful and i couldn't agree more that it only delays the inevitable. it prolongs our pain.

i must have gone back 1oo times literally KNOWING it wouldn't change anything but beucase i NEEEEEEDED to talk to him. to hear his voice. ands it ALL WAYS ended in further humiliation.

self respect is what will come if you DO NOT CONTACT HIM..... let that happen, let it come.... you are already taking steps for that.

also acknowledge how difficult it really is to resist and that you are doing that. you are capable of not contacting him...see and celebrate your strength!!

thank you Smith, that really made me chuckle!

And yes Fin, self respect is all we got right?

I quit smoking 7 months ago. I can't believe I have not caved.