(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) I feel the same way. It has only been a week. He is somewhere else probably with someone. You have helped me so much, i wish i could help you.

You do help me Verukas. Your will and determination inspire me. Keep going strong, girl, we can do this. xo

Okay, so here's the thing. He is not happy, wherever he is Miss. He is not solid and clear in himself and is not capable of giving you the love and devotion you DESERVE. He is actually showing you the first sliver of respect in NOT contacting you. He can't do it. And really, if he is in someone else's bed a month after making a few feeble attempts (and your guy V, a week), LET HIM GO. He is not emotionally available. He is not present in his emotions. "This man" was not going to make you happy. Please remember back to the relationship and really think about the quality of what you were experiencing. Was it good? Was it sweet? Was it nourishing? Was it filled with grace, dignity, kindness? LET IT GO. Serve yourself up a big, sweet inner hug and know that this is all part of your recovery--it is the flow of grief. Hard and hurtful stuff. I know well the thought that I wasn't worth the fight but I know my man, despite his declaration of love for me, can barely muster the energy to get through the day, he is not whole, he is broken. This is not my fault. I regret nothing and I tried like Hell to make it work BUT it was so much at my own expense. I am free now and I am lighter, happier, more optimistic and more at peace than ever. It would totally set me back to get another text or to run into him OR to hear news of him--stomach wrenching crap--so I am not at the finish line but I can see the difference. Because I am happier, I am receiving more in the world. I am having better things come to me AND for the first time, I am pausing...not leaping, but waiting to see if something is right for me. I know I want ease, I want peace, I want respect, I want kindness, I want presence, I want depth, I want connection, I want unadulterated love AND I will know it when I feel it. Until then, I am licking my wounds and returning to myself for the first time LIKE a faithful lover. I am learning to trust my truth and intuition as I honour myself. You are doing the same, Miss and Verukas and the rest of you. That's why you are here and why you are committed to change.

creo said it all. they're not gone because we didn't do something right. we're gone because we want more than they can ever offer.

I know Creo and Swelsha, I know he's not in a good place. In retrospect, I think he has always been miserable. He latched on to me a year ago, thinking I could fill that void somehow, and when he realized I couldn't get him to stop hating himself so much, maybe that's when he started projecting. I don't know.
Anyway, I'm clear on what this phase in my recovery consists of. I know I won't call him.
I'm just trying to get through those very difficult moments like last night without crying. I don't want to cry anymore. he really is not worth my tears. When I think back at how incredibley shitty he was towards me, I hate myself for feeling so weak, for still thinking about him. It's wrong! Which is why almost nobody knows about this..about the extent of this...this sickness! It's embaressing!

OMG I have felt exactly like you do. Pissed that he hasn't tried to call me, scared to death that he would, and positive I want to move on. It's exhausting. I think the reason is we keep looking at this through their lens. I read this today and I can't get it out of my head. "it took me months to learn I didn't need to prove to him how much I hurt. I needed to become aware of how much pain I was in." it wasn't and isn't about him or whether he calls me it is about how done I am with not being in a relationship where someone is committed and crazy about me. We deserve that.

I also sometimes feel angry at him for not even trying to contact me or say hello. I do feel lonely and sometimes I don't know what to do, I don't imagine my life so completely without him. But then again, just like creo said, he's not happy himself. He didn't make a serious effort to win you back because deep down he knows he can't give you what you deserve.
I know that my guy is probably in someone else's bed. I think that I should rather feel sorry for the woman.

Definately, he knows he can't deliver, I think on some level he has always known this. Liek Creo said, maybe for the first he is actually showing some respect by staying away and not dragging me through his mud again. I don't know. He tried contacting me a few times in teh first weeks since I ended it, maybe to feel me out, see how serious I was about actually moving on this time. He saw that I was not willing to go another round, and backed off. I guess I should be grateful. I am, and like you said, Timetoheal, it is a constant battle between pissed that he hasn't made contcat, fear that he will and certainty that I want to move on.
For me, I don't want him to know how much pain I'm in, I don't want him to know that he has affected me in the least. He has never seen me cry or even sad. He's seen me angry, which is how I ended things. I guess that's pain just the same, but I don't feel the need for him to know that I hurt. Which is why I will never make contact with him, never show weakness.
Our relationship was a joke.

I think our silence is the strongest message we can send.

"Silence is eloquent
Silence is dignified
Silence is heard.
Be all three."

I love this.
So true. Silence is golden
Thank you xo

Just like me, Missmom: I don't want him to know how much I'm hurting because of him. I will not give him this satisfaction nor the power to manipulate me. He will never know what I felt for him. I will not show weakness in front of him.
I think he doesn't even deserve to know.

exactly.
My ex got on this huge power trip at some point..I can't remember when. That's when things starting going downhill and I found myself eating up his crumbs and begging for more.
Well now it's been a month since the last time he contacted me. He doesn't know that I'm hurting, and he will never know. He needs to feel the loss, he needs to know that he lost his power over me.
There is no other way. It's what keeps me going, what is giving me my dignity back. I really really really hope he gets his karma with some ruthless crazy bitch who makes his life a living hell.

totally ditto on the karma.