Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
Hindsight is 20/20 now isn't it?
When I met M online, we talked about everything. I told him how I would never date someone younger than me again, as I have never been with anyone older. His profile said he was 34, I was 36 then. 2 years wasn't so bad, I thought. And I fell in love with him so it didn't matter anymore.
When he started to withdraw about 2 months into teh relationship, it really just came out of left field. I did not see it coming. We were so happy, spending lots of time together, making plans, etc. Then one day, it started to end.
There's something i haven't said on this forum.
That was the first time I ended it. We were still communicating on and off but teh games had started and I wasn't standing for it so I went no contact. He broke and called me after about 10 days and that's when he told me that we needed to talk. He told me that the reason he had started to withdraw, teh reason things ended so abruptly is because of a huge lie. he said that wehn we met online, he only wanted a fling, had no intention of persuing anything with me so he was vey careless. He told me he was 34, but he wasn't. He was 28. He said he hadn't expected to fall for me but he did and now he wanted a second chance but would not go through with it without my knowing the truth. How very considerate of him.
I accepted that. What an idiot. That is when things plummeted to disastrous porportions. From then on, there was no end to his disrespect towards me. It's like he thought if he could get away with a huge lie liek that, he could pull anything on me. He was right. He had me exactly where he wanted me.
So now I'm thinking back at all these sketchy little scenarios...and it makes me sick to think of how capable he was of conning me over and over. It feels liek it was ALL a lie. everything.
When I met M online, we talked about everything. I told him how I would never date someone younger than me again, as I have never been with anyone older. His profile said he was 34, I was 36 then. 2 years wasn't so bad, I thought. And I fell in love with him so it didn't matter anymore.
When he started to withdraw about 2 months into teh relationship, it really just came out of left field. I did not see it coming. We were so happy, spending lots of time together, making plans, etc. Then one day, it started to end.
There's something i haven't said on this forum.
That was the first time I ended it. We were still communicating on and off but teh games had started and I wasn't standing for it so I went no contact. He broke and called me after about 10 days and that's when he told me that we needed to talk. He told me that the reason he had started to withdraw, teh reason things ended so abruptly is because of a huge lie. he said that wehn we met online, he only wanted a fling, had no intention of persuing anything with me so he was vey careless. He told me he was 34, but he wasn't. He was 28. He said he hadn't expected to fall for me but he did and now he wanted a second chance but would not go through with it without my knowing the truth. How very considerate of him.
I accepted that. What an idiot. That is when things plummeted to disastrous porportions. From then on, there was no end to his disrespect towards me. It's like he thought if he could get away with a huge lie liek that, he could pull anything on me. He was right. He had me exactly where he wanted me.
So now I'm thinking back at all these sketchy little scenarios...and it makes me sick to think of how capable he was of conning me over and over. It feels liek it was ALL a lie. everything.
It doesn't matter what part was real or a lie. Let it all go. I am trying to do the same right now.
You are honest and truthful, the opposite did not resonate with your spirit.
Enjoy this evening and what lies ahead. You are worth more than this analysis.
I say all of this to you because I am having a night of over-thinking and I need to do the same.
Teh way you just put it kinda makes me feel compassion for him. I've been tip-toeing around those facts because they are true. He's exactly as you say. Miserable. I've always known this on some level.
I'm letting go, slowly.
I feel compassion for my ex too--different story and very different person but he doesn't like or love himself either so how can he love me? I reflect back to him all his ineptitude, all his shortcomings, everything that he feels badly about himself for.
I am holding onto lots still and I want to let go.
A lot of the time, it feels like it is abating and it's manageable, then other times, I feel totally out of control back in the middle of sadness.
It is still dawning on me that we are done, that he is incapable, that he isn't going to 'figure it out', that I am not 'the one' that will fix him and love him enough to make this whole thing work.
He often said he has no regrets in life. Really. That says alot..
M might have some regrets this time around. It's a good attitude actually as long as you are living with ethics and dignity. He has too much pride as well--another impression that comes to mind.
I doubt he regrets anything about us. He has surely found a way to cover up whatever not-so-good feelings he may be having about all this.
You seem exxasperated more than anything. I feel it in your words.