I don't know your story, missvicki, but to answer your question, most of the time it's not easier to say nothing. It's much much harder.

From what you describe, if you text him or call now, you'll be giving him your power. I would suggest you do something else just for you, like go for a brisk walk in the chilly air like I just did. It did wonders in helping me break out of my funk.

((((missvicki))))))

(((missvicki))), I agree with ppp, while I also do not know the entire story, a normal person would have been upfront & honest with you rather than leave you hanging. It is hard not to contact because we sit here with all our thoughts, questions, concerns. PPP is right, if you call/contact, you have given him the power and told him a very BIG secret.....If he treats you like crap, you will still be there for him so he can do it again. Please try to do something for you to refocus your energies. Much love to you.

Thanks for the response!

I'm sorry I should have at least said a litte something more about myself. I'm separted for a little over a year now with no chance of gettnig back together (my choice). My soon to be ex couldn't wait to get out of the house, until he found out the grass wasn't greener on the other side, and for the past year he's been trying to come back telling me he's changed. I married at the young age of 19, and he's 13 years older then me, he cheated on me most of the time with an ex girlfriend in which I allowed them to remain friends(big mistake). He mentally abused me and always put me down no matter what I did. We married pretty much because of my son, and its amazing we did manage to stay married for 22 years. I just always thought that a child deserved two parents no matter what, so I put my own happiness aside and turned the other cheek. He was a big drinker, let's call him a functional alcoholic. I myself come from an alcohlic childhood. There is so much more to tell, but it would take days for me to put it all out there.

I've been on a few dates since my separtaion (younger then me), all drinkers of course. However, this last guy I have known for the past 20 yrs. I know his extended family quite well. In fact I bought the house that he grew up in. Anyway, he is divorced with a 5 year old, he's my age which is something I haven't experienced yet. I work with his cousin who kind of set us up in a way. I unfortunatley know all his bad habits because of his cousin throughout the years. He's is a SGT on the police department(red flag there), who happned to cheat on his ex wife who was preganant when she caught in the act in his car with his female partner. He's a huge gambler & alcohlic, just to name a few of his many talents...Yeah right, why would I even want to get involved knowing all this....hmm, not quite sure, maybe I thought he had changed or I could make him change? When we got together he had told me it was so refreshing to be with a normal girl? Meaning all the female cops he's been dating all turned out to be physco girls (well that's his story anyway). He was forced into rehab by the police department for his drinking but apparently that didn't work to well for him because I found myself meeting him at bars, and that's the only place we'd meet (never took me out for a real date). I missed many days of work because of this bad pattern, and I consider myself a social drinker. The good thing is that I really haven't invested a lot of time in this guy but maybe 3 months, if that. I guess I did have sex too soon with him :-( I don't know why I attached myself to him so quickly. I just don't what happend for him to just shut me out this way. It's really only been a few days since he has hasn't reached out, but its not the norm. I guess I am reaching out on here because I can't contiune down this path of destruction anymore or I am seriously going to be messed up if I don't seek help now.

I am starting therpay tomorrow so that's a start. Sorry for the long story.

I am sorry that you are going through so much, missvicki. I can definitely relate to certain parts of your story. The most important piece of advice I can give to you is to have NO CONTACT. Those 2 words have been a lifesaver and have helped me to maintain my dignity and self-respect. It has not been easy, but I take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. On December 12, 2011, I will "celebrate" one month of NO CONTACT with my N. I have not veered from my convictions, even though he has tried to manipulate me back into his craziness via e-mail and blocking his number (a cowardly move); then hanging up when I answer my phone.

BTW, it's interesting that you entitled your entry "Confused." My first post here (11/25/11) was entitled "Confused," as well. And my relationship with my N was exactly 3 months long - just like yours. Don't be too hard on yourself about having sex "too soon" with your N. At least you had sex. My N would withhold sex; we had sex EXACTLY ONE TIME, and that was only because I told him that he was exhibiting controlling behavior. (Hindsight is always 20/20; if I had known then what I know now, I'd have run and never looked back.)

Please take a moment to read my posts, beginning with my first; it may help you to make some sense of this nonsense. Stay strong! I wish you all the best!