Women who Love too Much Community Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
First question..Did any of you see the Larry King Show on CNN last night with Dr. Drew and others on infidelity? What did you think? Second question...Is it a trait of passive aggressives or narcissistic behavior if a lover will not say "I love you"? Have others observed this in their relationship? In the two years of our relationship I have been indentified as the Significant Other to family, employer, personal physician and friends. I have heard I need you, I want you, and received a few compliments on occasion but the words "I love you" have never been spoken. Once I asked this 60 year old man who is divorced after having been married 32 years if he had ever been in love and the answer was no. Is this common behavior for a PA? A narcissist?
I have never studied Passive agressiveness on its own so I can speak to that issue. I have seen xn be extremely passive agressive (it is one of their character traits).
Another one of their character traits is the INABILITY to bond. The part of the brain which holds empathy (knowing how your behavior effects another human) and the ability to bond has been SEVERED. You can see it on brain scans, it is not a guess.
Many Narcs and sociopaths will declare their love for you if they think that it will get them the supply the need, but none of them BOND which explains how they can devalue you (insult you) and discard you (and their own children) many after decades of marriage without a second thought.
It is all about actions and zero about words.
xn also told me that he never loved his wife (that he was with for 15 years or his own daughter). He haughitly told me that love was an infantile concept and that believing in love was the same as believing in Santa Clause.
CALUCLATED. Everything is a chess game for them. Nothing is based on emotion and everything on what they are going to get out of the transaction.
If he tells you at the age of 60 that he has never been in love, I would believe him and know that love is not an emotion that this person is capable of.
BTW, did you tell him you loved him? Many people report that the Narcissist behavior escalates (in a bad way) once you have told them that you love them. The think: I got her and start escalate the madness to see what they can get away with. There is a term for this, it is called pushing boundaries.
They are so calucalating and manipulative that they constantly push you ... just a little bit at a time. OK, she tolerated this and she is still around, now lets try that. OK, she has not left yet, then how about this? It is a little push and pull until one day you will accept just about any horrible behavior because your self esteem is at rock bottom.
I heard an interview of several men that had court appointed anger management classes and they all said that they tested women from the first date forward to see what she would tolerate and what she would call them on. They said it started with being 10 minutes late on the second date and went on from there. The more she let slide, the more they knew she was an easy mark.
http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2010/01/narcissists-push-boundaries.html