Make a list of things you need to do. Not for the long term but things you need to do today, tomorrow, by Saturday and then attack that list. This is what I do to get me through my days. Think about you! What do you like to do? Here's an example of what I have "listed" this week:
1) Get gas.
2) Buy new tights.
3) Fix make-up at Sephora so I am ready to go out with my friends tonight.
4) Make a list of all things I need to bag up out of the ex's boat.
5) Find the address for the church I want to attend.
6) Figure out Yoga schedule for next week.

Also, you need to pamper yourself like it's your job! Do you like getting your hair done? Do you like mani-pedi's? Do you like to dress well. Get selfish about you! I am just tickled that at the end of this week I finally get to watch whatever I want to watch and when on TV! I can drink Pinot Grigio in bed all Sunday long with my candles burning and watching the boob tube and hanging out online with my cat on my pillow by my side! Take this alone time as a GIFT that might not last forever!!!

Well I guess I should be honest and let you all know that I am still living with the BF. I know that I will not be with him forever either, but too much change right now might not be good. I also want to move for financial reasons to a cheaper place. One of the main reasons I moved in with the BF in February was so that I could afford to live in a nice house like I did with my husband. Wanted all the comforts still. Well now I realize that money is not a good reason to rush into living with someone. We are very different and he is a bit controlling. I have had to stand my ground many times. But in general it is peaceful. He just does'nt know how to open up and express his feelings either. I have picked another one just the same. I know that now. The one positive thing about him is how much he teaches me about myself. I see my old self in him a lot. I see a lot of selfishness. I just don't know about the moving and leaving the BF right now with all the other turmoil in my life right now. My 17 year old son is finally settled with me also and has expressed a need to stay put. It is his senior year and he went thru a lot last year with me leaving his father and moving in with the BF only three months later! I am just going to concentrate on getting myself well and I hope then that all these other things will work themselves out.

Thank you for the list idea. I have so much to do because I have been wallowing in self pitty that I have neglected a lot. Thank you for reminding me how busy I can be! : )

Wait. If you are living with your BF you can't really be too upset that your Ex has moved on?

Belle is right Shani..Baby steps..just put one foot in front of the other...do the essentials and the self care things and you will make it through...looking back I found that the times I have contacted my ex's in the past always came from feeling their pain more than my own...at some point or the other, we have to stop feeling sorry for them and look after our own needs...Sending you lots of love..

Sounds pretty crazy does'nt it. I was thinking the other day that my life has become like a Jerry Springer episode and I can't believe it is that crazy! I created it all. I really don't know what I want. I am extremely jealous of my ex and his girlfriend, because he says that she makes him calm and happy. I always wanted to do that but it did not work. He makes it sound like bliss. Like he has changed into the man I always wanted. But I know that he REALLY has not changed. He has done no work and actually has gone back to drinking again after 11 years of sobriety with me. But 3 months ago I realized that the BF was not the answer either and that my hubby was not such a bad guy and that I might want to work on the marriage. Well you all know now that the hubby got a girlfriend and can't decide now what he wants to do. I was prepared to dump the BF and move directly back in with hubby! WOW the pattern continues... or was about to. So actually my hubby has done me a favor by not allowing me to move back in. He has forced me to see the Jerry Springer show in my life! I think that is why it is so painful. Not the hubby, not the girlfreind, not the BF but ME is the pain. It hurts really bad to see what a mess you are. That you have caused all your own misery. And you have not the slightest clue on how to change it. The fear that if you don't do a lot of work on yourself you will just repeat it all! So again, it's all about that stranger in the mirror. I just have to find out about her.

It does sound crazy but that is just life! My advice for you is to sit still. Get to know yourself. Give yourself lots of TIME and space! Don't make any moves or decisions or try to fix everything in one day. It can't be done!

Also, sometimes when it seems like everything is falling apart it's actually all falling together. Maybe this is what you need to finally figure out how to put together the life you want?

When I broke up with my ex- he acted like the world opened for him. He was so happy and so excited. I am still not sure what that was about-maybe he wanted me to see him differently or maybe he really did feel like I was a weight around his neck. To hear him so happy while I was in pain was very difficult. We tried to be "friends" but I really did not want to be and I think he wanted to be free as well. I never had to go no contact--it really just ended. And during our last conversation I realized that he was already dating other women and telling them that he loved them. But I don't judge him I used to jump from one man to the next. I would do anything not to be alone. When you are ready to face you it wont be so difficult and right now you are not ready- maybe?--and if that is the case then that is okay to. We are ready when we are ready and not a second before.

Why do I pine after the ex? I am so anxious to hear from him. To hear his reaction of me taking all the stuff. To hear how wonderful his trip was with his girlfriend. To just hear from him. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to allow another human being to have so much control over me that I can't think streight. What is this all about? Is it the uncomfortableness I am feeling and wanting it to go away by hearing from him and getting back into the chaos? Any suggestions would be helpful at this point.