My sweet sister, you have already experienced the red flags with this man. Trust is earned and he has not done anything to earn yours. Life holds so many possibilities for you. In my humble opinion, I would not put myself back in a position to be deceived by this man again. He blocked you from his contact list as if you had done something wrong and in actuality he was the one the mislead you. Much love to you!!

I'm with rayvyn: Don't just walk away....run like H**l. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...guess what? It's a duck!

I agree with Rayvyn and Salwee, except I prefer - if it looks like bool sheet and it smells like bool sheet, then it is bool sheet. He might have a touch of the curiosities, but you know enough about him to know he dropped you like a hot brick before. Even if he isn't married now, he's still one to avoid on that fact alone...........because you deserved an explanation, not to be cast aside in that uncaring fashion.

I agree; stay away and remind yourself how smart you were to notice those red flags.

Remember that the most important thing in spotting a dangerous man is NOT to ignore red flags and he is on fire with them.

My therapist told me the Universe will always test you: Are you sure you are done w/ unhealthy men?

Consider this a test and make sure you let the Universe know that you wish to pass!!!

IGNORED RED FLAGS

Women tended to believe they were going to be the exception to what their red flags were telling them. They believe the red flags would prove to be wrong this time, with this man, for some miraculous reason they could not explain logically. These women already had experiences with red flags; yet still the women overrode them. FANTASY THINKING overrode fact. Women preferred to focus on the mans good points and to diminish, ignore, deny or reframe his negative, dangerous or dissatisfying character traits. Women confused good manners (polite, paid for things) with good character.

Women were willing to accept some attention (usually a physical or sexual relationship along with some semblance of an emotional connection) in exchange for flaws in the relationship.

Women would tell themselves things like: He is no one I would get serious with, just someone to do things with.

This type of justification means you are not listening to your inner safety system. But as you continue to see him, you are forced to focus on only the good things about him (For me it was focusing on his consistent pattern of behavior; he does what he says he is going to do, he always shows up, etc.)

Meanwhile dating this guy just for fun is dismantling your red alert system. Soon all those alarms buzzing inside of you are just a numbed vibration.

All this is great news for a dangerous man looking for another willing partner but not good news for women who want to find healthy, meaningful relationships.

Women want to credit themselves with having far more insight then they actually use. They may have insight, but somewhere in the dating game, the insight gets shelved and women continue to end up in dead end relationships with dangerous men. The lack of insight has been replaced with magical thinking. Magical thinking ignores reality and replaces it was fantasy. It tosses out logic and inserts wishful thinking. It hopes for all things, but from the wrong person.

"Women tended to believe they were going to be the exception to what their red flags were telling them. They believe the red flags would prove to be wrong this time, with this man, for some miraculous reason they could not explain logically. These women already had experiences with red flags; yet still the women overrode them." <--- Oh man, this was me.

Getting onto boards like this with intelligent compassionate women blows the idea that I'm 'special' and can really make a difference out of the water.

I love your posts, SusyP. Thank you.

I always feel such peace when i get advice here.SusyP i am done with these men my soul and spirit depend on it.I have to be cautious.The aftermath of XN i couldnt go through again thats why im continuing to read and learn about these men to keep myself safe.Much love to you all.

@harmony - ALL of the above.

I'd like to post the following about TRUST as well - just as an aside:

From: The Secret things of God - Henry Cloud

I have seen people believe the unbelievable and go forward with a relationship or a business deal when the signs or the track record was just so clearly speaking to them and telling them to stop!

So ask yourself a question: What do you trust?

Do you trust what people tell you? Do you trust their charm? Do you trust their personalities? Do you trust how much you are attracted to them? Do you trust their credentials? Their power or status?

What is it that makes you open yourself up to someone and give them access to your:

heart - mind - soul - strength - time - family - friends - talents - information - possessions - dreams - plans - passion - money - desires - love - hopes - faith..

How you answer that question is one of the most revealing things about you. We live in a culture where people give themselves quickly to people in love, sex and romance all the time. They get a match online and go on a vacation together without even knowing if the other person has a parole officer! People enter into business relationships without doing their "due diligence". People become instant intimate friends without really knowing the other person and yet trust them with their deepest secrets.

Here is the secret that the Bible and any good psychologist (SusyP!) would tell you about trust: TRUST A PERSON'S CHARACTER, AS EVIDENCED BY THEIR BEHAVIOUR.

Rivanta i thank you for your words.Believe me i cannot let my guard down ever again.My relationships with the men i choose have been at the expense of my own self and sanity due to this need to save them from there addictions or problems and because of my desperate need to be loved that i did not get from my father.My XN i am convinced was my lesson at last because none before him have had the same devastating impact.I am so in tune to the fact that i couldnt go through it again. My children even though they are now young adults are all i have. I want to be happy for them as well as myself.They have seen me suffer immensely throughout this.Its forward with Gusto.

Women confused good manners (polite, paid for things) with good character.

wow.. i SO did this!