Hugs Harmony7 ((((((((( )))))))))))), you are not crazy, just unloved and misunderstood, and I too am living that nightmare. I am on antidepressants . I wish all of us ladies could rendezvous somewhere in the world and spend time together hugging, crying, laughing, healing and validating all of us who hurt so bad. We are none of us mad,bad or crazy, we are loving, lovable and amazing.... but we were all born with our spiritual compasses needing re-calibrating, otherwise how else can you explain the messes we all in ???? x

Yes, my counselor said my radar has been badly damaged . . .

harmony, I went through bouts like that where I was just bombarded with thoughts that I wa crazy . . they would hit like a storm moving in and I would end up trancing . now when I feel myself getting worked up like that, when the thoughts start becoming obsessive or intrusive . . I recognize I'm heading into a trance state.

My counselor explained that the negative emotions and memories get trapped in our subconscious. Tapping (EFT) is an amazing technique for me to get them untrapped. Sometimes, when I am leaving an appointment, my body actually trembles. I have read there is a kind of massage that loosens these memories and emotions, so when I tremble, I know it is the physical reaction to my body letting go of this that has been trapped.

Think of it in electrical terms . . . like a car battery has a negative and a positive. If you accidentally hook up jumper cables reversed, you'll blow the whole electrical system. Well, we've got so much from these relationships (the N man and what we've lived through from childhood on), negative, stored in our subconscious, we are misfiring, to say the least. The negative memories and emotions stored are, again, on a physical plane, working like a magnet. Picture two magnets, if they're turned one way, they cling, if reversed, they repel.

Our electrical system is out of balance . . . trancing is evidence that there is an overload. In whatever method works for you, the negative MUST be released. SusyP worked EMDR with success, I have been recommended qi-gong, but haven't tried it; like I said, EFT is working amazingly for me, coupled with prayer.

Continuing . . .for me, I broke down, phsycially, and that's when I started coming out of the coma and began the journey towards getting away from him. For so many on here, however, the blow comes, the electrical charge, so to speak, that shuts the system down, when the N dumps them. Regardless, of the 'how' the charge happens, we're all finding ourselves in 'broke down' state. Venturing sent me valuable articles on PTSD and CPTSD and this paragraph stuck with me like a magnificent rainbow after a storm.

Transformation
A stress breakdown is a transformational experience which, with the right support, can ultimately enrich the experiencer's life. However, completing the transformation can be a long and sometimes painful process.

The Western response - to hospitalise and medicalize the experience, thus hindering the process - may be well-intentioned, but may lessen the value and effectiveness of the transformation.

How would you feel if, rather than a breakdown, you viewed it as a breakthrough? How would you feel if it was suggested to you that the reason for a stress breakdown is to awaken you to your mission in life and to enable you to discover the reason why you have incarnated on this planet?

How would it change your view of things if it was also suggested to you that a stress breakdown reconfigures your brain to enable you to embark on the path that will culminate in the achievement of your mission?

by Tim Field
bullyonline.org
Posted on 09/18/10, 12:58 am

You are not crazy, though I understand how it is that you feel that way. I feel the same way. How can I be so intelligent and absolutely know that this person is wrong, toxic, depleting for me, yet still yearn for him. I have self analyzed myself to "death" and I agree with others that perhaps this is the point where you can begin to heal. What I am trying to do is acknowledge the feelings and thoughts and then trying to "release them". As to "normal", what is that really? The many entries on this site confirm that we are certainly not alone. I am finding comfort in that. I hope we can both feel better and move on soon.

Oh those intrusive thoughts drive me CRAZY. I mutter shit to myself just to try try try to stop the loop going round and round in my mind. You aren't alone, or crazy, although I understand you feel as though you are, especially as they make you feel like its all in your head (myxN said it was me too, Iwas menopausal/had problems and issues and almost had me believing that it was me who needed help or treatment)

What I needed was to get him out of my life. Well I got rid of him physically, I managed that, now I have to be determined to get rid of him mentally. And thats harder but we CAN do it

You re not crazy...you are fighting an "addiction" and withdrawal is painful ... very painful. Transformation is a difficult process but you are an amazingly resilient woman ... a survivor. You are not alone...we have all faced if are not facing similiar struggles . HUGZ

Thank you each and everyone of you. I know i can do this ive just had a setback its truly the inspiration from all of you here that have and are struggling that help keep me hopeful.You are all amazing and Hugs to you all.

Wonderful responses from the ladies here. Harmony, glad you are feeling a bit better. I love what dbpalm mentioned, as seeing a breakdown as a breakthrough. For me, it absolutely was. It is a difficult, terrifying time where everything comes crashing down, but in many cases you can come out with more perspective, and also, feel refreshed from letting out feelings that have been bottled up for so long. Healing is not easy, we have to courageously face ALL the demons to change ourselves, and I am very proud of you for sticking this through. In the end, real change and happiness will await you for the work you have done.

goingup they all are wonderful responses from all of you.Maybe this was the breakdown ive needed to finally see it as a breakthrough because i have just followed the same destructve patterns with my relationships over and over so fearful of being abandoned that i would put up with anything and never before even knowing or looking at the reasons why until now.I am learning so much from all of you.thank you for being proud of me goingup im just as proud of all of you.

Your post made me think of something I saved from here that may explain why the "addiction" to believing you want him w hen you know logically you dont (don't know if your's is a psychopath, but I think this relates to many N's and many of us all the same..
.
"Sex kick-starts the premature bonding process. The touching and sexual stimulation seals the love bond. The stimulation of the vagina and cervix during sex causes the release of the hormones prolactin and oxytocin. These hormones travel to the bonding centers of the brain and produce an emotional and hormonal attachment to the man. The importance of these hormones in female attachment is these are the exact hormones produced in pregnancy and nursing. They are responsible for a womans ability to bond to babies! The more sex she has with the psychopath, the more these attachment hormones are released, and the more bonded she feels to the psychopath. This isnt merely the cuddling of love making. This is a biochemical process occurring in her body and brain increasing her sense of attachment...but tragically, to a psychopath! These are the hormones of motherhood attachment. Just like motherly love is unconditional, a sexual bond is also unconditional. She will find out just what it will cost her to have this intense unconditional attachment and love bond to a psychopath.

Psychopaths also instinctively know how to induce trance-like states in normal people:

Trance produces perceptual biases. That means if the psychopath is telling her wonderful things and she is euphoric with him, she tends to associate wonderful and euphoric things with the memory of him...even after hes turned into a monster. While in trance, a woman tends to cement what she felt or learned in that state. Thats why its so difficult for women to believe hes a liar, swindler, or cheater"

I read your post and your words could be my words.... I am in the exact, same spot today. I don't know why it hurts to let someone go that hurts you so much, but it does. Such a feeling of emptiness.. nights awake, with memories haunting you... days spent tired and just existing. The only joy is when you are so tired, that you actually sleep the entire night, WITHOUT dreaming or thoughts running through your mind.
I hope you find the strength you need... :-)