Women who Love too Much Community Group

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.

576 Members
8,726 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Women who Love too Much Support Group

Hair?

solo60
solo60
Does anyone know a way to break the obsessive thinking habit if it's tied to a tactile memory? Let me explain. I have tried to pinpoint what it is/was about my XN that has left such a strong impression that I can't stop thinking about him. There are plenty of memories, that's for sure, but I think I've narrowed the one that is the strongest of all. It's something really strange....you may laugh outloud if you wish...but it is imprinted in my brain. on my psyche, and I don't know how to shake it. It's his hair...the feeling of it, the color of it, the shine, the softness...and he wore it long, tied back in a ponytail...the ONLY man I've ever been involved with who had long hair so go figure, but I used to love to brush it. He'd lay his head in my lap and just totally relax and I think it probably made him feel a bit pampered...anyway...I can still remember the way it felt in my fingertips and I've got to find a way to wash this out of my brain.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh solo -- i have several tactile memories of my xn.

For me it is part of the whole of the illusion of the fabulous man I thought my xn was. And I tell myself it's the addiction talking.

Bless us all.

p
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too have a thing about his hair ..................funnily enough he had the same hair and skin type as my mum who abandoned me as a toddler. I also have a thing about his aftershave. So I do get this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My xn was bald and had a thing about bodily hair. i shaved.
worktodo
worktodo
Hi solo. I had a relationship a few years ago with a man with long hair, I thought he was so special and different, I used to imagine other women flocking to him because he looked a bit different to average men, when I am in pain over a man I will think of all sorts of things about them, its like a slow torture, I agree with Patty it is the addiction talking, like a drug addict we crave and imagine getting our hit, we imagine touching it, holding it, but what we forget is how much damage it causes.
The thoughts will eventually go, we can give these thoughts too much power, because we are so used to being wrapped up in pain, it feels comforting, because it is usually all we know.
I hope this thinking will soon leave you, I used to pray constantly for the obsession to be lifted and eventually it was.
Hope you are taking care of your own hair and yourself.
solo60
solo60
5olitaire, well we don't need a therapist to put the hair/skin/mum thing together, do we?
deleted_user
deleted_user
No Solo, It made me cry when my sister who I wasn't brought up with (she was brought up by her) agreed that they had the same hair and skin type. She could see why him abandoning me time after time kept ripping my heart out. I was acting out the emotional memory of my loss of her at 3. I couldn't remember it because I was too young, but I could feel it inside as a very strong and painful fear and loss.
rayvyn
rayvyn
solo, definitely had a similar hair thing. i believe it may have been part of the physical connection we had with them because any other level...spiritual or emotional was unattainable.
ladytruee
ladytruee
It has been proven that the more you try NOT to think about something the MORE you will. Instead you need to let yourself think about it and counter react it with the negatives of the situation..such as after I brushed his hair he would get up and be a jerk. For me mine was great in bed..I would obsess about that then I would think about when it was over and how he would jump up and ask what was for dinner. SO its about going the whole way with the thought..not just the good part. Now when I think of that I think of the after and I know thats what the new girl is getting now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Solo60 I did laugh and out loud. I can so relate...I thought the same thing WOW but it's not his hair it was many things but the one that stood out (stuck in my mind) is his his body...OMG. The touch of his skin, the color of his skin, the smell. I can close my eyes and the smell and feel of his body would be next to me. Ok we all know that it's an obsession (an addiction). But darn do he have to be so damn sex yet crazy!! But I TRY so hard not to thank of him (at least not that part anyway)

LOL