Every person and situation is different. And even when you are "past" it, it can still come back if something jogs a memory...a smell or place. Keeping taking it a day at a time. Find things to keep yourself occupied. Hugs to you.

solo60, you invested a lot of time and energy into that relationship. Like special ace said, the length of the healing process is different for everyone. The pain and hurt is a reminder that we still have some self work ahead of us. HUGZ my friend.

True healing is a slow process. In this day and age, we're used to having everything quickly (fast food, etc). Its been over one year for me since we broke up, 4 months NC, and I still feel like I can't live without him.
Then again, I have only really been focused on the healing the last 3 months.
As ravyn wisely said, the pain is a reminder we have more work ahead.

Oh how I have asked that question over and over again..now after 6months I say to myself it will be done when it is done and until it is done I have to remain alone. Its recovery and discovery.

It took me 1 year for the instrusive thoughts to stop and everyone here knows that it was 1 year of weekly therapy, weekly support calls with Sandra Brown, weekly SANON meetings, additional EMDR therapy to treat the PTSD, a 5 day intensive with Sandra Brown and posting on this board like it was my job AND still the intrusive thougths continued for 1 year.

I just do not think that I could have worked any harder on anything. They say from 1 year to 18 months is the gold standard for the intrusive thoughts to stop.

That is good to know...I estimated at least 2 years for me...I was married a LONG time!

It IS good to know. I estimate 2 years at least too and hopefully by then I won't be counting or care because if I work hard enough, I will be in a better place in my head.

It will take as long as it takes :) My "thing" was only 8 months long, so it took about 2.5 months to feel over it and see it objectively. I'd left an abusive relationship 7 years previous, so getting over this was easier but the betrayal was greater with the most recent relationship - only because of his empty promises and how he suddenly turned on me.

Hugs

I'm not sure but I may be the oldest female here and so I'm going to share something that I hope is received as well meaning advice from a big sister. It seems that the older I get the longer it takes me to get over the hurt that men are so good at leaving us with. I'm still healthy physically, I would treasure an intimate romp. I still am attracted to an attractive face and body. I can still experience the chemistry. I don't suppose I'll ever dump the romance fantasy totally but I used to be a lot more willing to take a chance on finding the "right one" than I am now. You can call that the wisdom of the ages if you'd like, but at the moment I'm feeling resentful towards men and their inability to love. I AM NOT a woman who is never satified. I know when I've got it good. I take care of a good thing when I have it. Right now I'm angry because I made the mistake of loving a Narc. I'm angry that he fooled me...at least for awhile. I lost two years of my life loving too much. I'm trying very hard to accept the fact that it might be true.... that it is possible to love TOO MUCH. It is WRONG...morally wrong ...to do the damage they do. I think I'm moving from loving to much to hating him. If it isn't one of the stages of grief, maybe it should be. The big sister advice I was hoping to share is this...don't be so willing to love ....I was always willing to take everybody at face value. DON"T. Remember this pain and the time it is taking now for us to heal and make a vow that you're not ever going to risk being in this pain again for the first man who seems to have potential. Take every facet of him apart and see what he really is. There isn't a man alive that's worth this pain.

Solo: I loved your post. I am going through the same stage and it doesn't seem like I hear peopleposting about the anger part. I am also very angry that he used me knowingly kept the truth from me becuase he KNEW I would leave him if I knew the truth. The advice is very good...to NOT take a man at face value...and I would add to this: listen to your instincts...that is how you don't take him at facevalue...you listen to what your instincts and feelings are telling you...stop...STOP and listen to your feelings of discomfort, your feelings that you feel like you need to please them. Take a step back and look at what you are doing with him if you see yourself turning into the person that he wants you to be, instead of being and doing what you want to be you are in trouble.