Thank you so much for posting this!

I read it before in 'Why Does He Do That' (the book that helped me the most so far)...it's an eye opener and every time I read it, it makes me furious. I need to keep periodically coming back and re-reading it. So thanks!

"...it makes me furious."

Hi, goingup. That was exactly my reaction! I got so mad, I had to stop reading for a minute. I think I'm so used to feeling sorry for him and thinking he acts the way he does because he's hurting and it's just a dysfunctional reaction to childhood abuse or something like that, when actually it's pretty darn functional and it turns out it has a lot of benefits. Wow. >:{

Exactly, it's the whole 'benefits' thing that pisses me off. That my life is getting completely ruined while he wallows in all these luxuries. It literally makes me want to puke.

Excellent link. Yup, makes you amazed at their nerve. They even manage to convince their wives/girlfriends that sunshine comes out of their bums, lol.

"Exactly, it's the whole 'benefits' thing that pisses me off. That my life is getting completely ruined while he wallows in all these luxuries. It literally makes me want to puke."

Haha! I swear I almost said that in my last post. The last sentence before I erased it was, "I feel like I want to puke!" It isn't really funny but it is validating to hear I'm not the only one who feels that way.

I posted this onto FB the other day and it was so interesting, the comments I got. Four people shared it. One person was pretty positive that it was male-bashing (this was a woman--), and yet another (male) completely detracted from it by saying that everyone thinks women are so good so they are better able to manipulate and--I quote--be "evil". Oh well.

Hi, artgrrl. My experience has been that this type of information is not that well received outside of circles of abuse survivors (and those who are strongly supportive of them.) I don't agree with the male bashing claim; the author is male and has treated a lot of abusive men and is considered to be somewhat of an expert:in his field:

"Lundy (Bancroft) has twenty years of experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families. He has also authored many other book chapters and scholarly articles. Lundy is a former Co-Director of Emerge, the nation’s first counseling program for men who batter. He has worked with over a thousand abusers directly as an intervention counselor, and has served as clinical supervisor on another thousand cases. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness in domestic violence and child abuse cases. Lundy appears across the United States as a presenter for judges and other court personnel, child protective workers, therapists, law enforcement officials, and other audiences."

Excellent, Diana, thank you.

:D