That is painful.

That's a ridiculous, stupid line for that site to post and I would immediately write to them and complain VOCIFEROUSLY. And find a new site.

I'm not sure what to say about the pain you're still in. You're probably sick to death of hearing that "time heals." Though it does. I do not, though, believe he is the ONLY man out there for you. In fact, his behaviour (bolting at a certain point when things seemed great) suggests that he is not. Maybe he wanted to but is unable, maybe he is not willing or ready to address his issues, I don't know.

I do know that in your position I would do (in fact, have done) what others may rightly think is a bad idea, and that is to reach out. But reach out with the knowledge that there's a very real chance your fears will come true (= that you may hear nothing back). If you feel strongly enough that he was the man for you, then it's a risk that may be worth taking, provided that you accept any non-response as a final answer that this is over and you have no choice but to move on. I know that in my life, when it became absolutely clear to me that there was zero hope whatsoever, that is what helped me move on. Anyway, sorry to hear about your pain -- it sucks bigtime.

I don’t know what scares me more – the possibility of no response, or an immediate response followed by a soul sucking (thanks Creo) whole other relationship. I feel more than anything that his reaction and attitude would be passive aggressive. I feel like he would take a holier than thou stance on my contacting himand he would always have the upper hand. I’m really scared that he would be in it just because he can. He’d be half in, I’d give 150%. It would essentially destroy me. So, that being said, I would rather be in a lot of pain for a while longer, let time do its thing – than potentially putting myself in harm’s way, if that makes sense.
No, I will not contact him. I know this with 100% certainty.
Does this make me more weak? I don’t know. I just know what I can and cannot handle. This current reality of mine is excruciating at times but at least I’m sure of what lies ahead of me. If I’m the one to get the ball rolling with him, I feel like he will take me on a very painful and unpredictable ride. That I CANNOT handle.

I hear you. I would definitely go with my gut, and in this case your gut is saying NO.

I second what Tokyo said..Go with your gut...Also, resisting what is happening is what gives us pain...somehow, somewhere inside of us we have to find a place where you acknowledge the pain you are feeling and give yourself the comfort you deserve....

In my last relationship I broke up a half a dozen times and I kept getting back together because I felt there was hope...So I am with Tokyo in that....when you accept there is zero hope of making it work, you find it easier to let go..Also I needed to know he no longer needed me...It is coming up 4 weeks and I feel no pain...strange feeling but very real..

I alone can't make it work. I don't know if it could work because it ended abruptly, there was no deterioration process. It was literally short and sweet and boom, over.
If I can be totally honest here - I don't even friggin care. I just want to be done with this. I want him wiped off my mind. I'm ashamed of how I feel at this point. I'm so upset with myself for wasting now 2 months of my precious time and energy going over every single moment we spent together. He checked out of a GOOD thing. I am good and I was good to him, I was good for him. And he Freaken checked out. And here I pine over that. It's just dumb

I could have written your responses myself. I feel the exact same way. I have been NC for five months, he has a new gf, and I am stuck. I want to reach out, but I am afraid too for the exact same reasons you are. I wish I had an answer for us!

((((Hugs)))) to you flteach. I think the only answer is time.
I'm good tonight. I have managed to shoo away most thoughts. It's a matter of being consistent. I find that when I let myself go, the thoughts and memories take on a life of their own and we give them more power than they actually have.
I know that reaching out is not the answer. It's a fantasy. I don't want anyone that I have to chase or try to win back. I don't think you do either.

Staying NC is the hardest thing and we THINK the most painful, but sometimes if we keep the thoughts going and reach out and try to save a relationship that we KNOW is not going to work it only keeps us in the pain for a longer time. We are then unable to move forward and it takes us back to square one over and over and over again. This to me is much much more painful and we have to remember that.

Also it helps me to know and remember that somehow I found him and I found all those others before him, so there WILL be more to come, I just have to be patient. The other thing that helps is "god for bid" I find another one like him and go thru all this again!

It's like running a race(I have run 10K's). The beginning is hard but your so excited to do it that its ok. Then right before the MIDDLE you think this is too damn long I will never make it. Then you reach OVER half way and you say to yourself...well I have LESS than half to go. And again right before the end is the hardest, you say I really really am tired and there is one more hill ahead until the finish line and I don't think I can do it...but you muster up everything you have and you make it to the finish. You made it and all the glory is there and it is yours! You feel very strong and secure and alive and just on top of the world. This is going NC. Keep runniing the race, the end is worth all of it!

That is a great analogy Shani, thank you :)