Women helping Women Community Group
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Hello all :) I'm new on here. I am a 26 year old mother of two boys. I am also married to a man that has biplolar disorder. It is a really difficult situation even though it should be easier... I am wanting a divorce. I am no longer happy and the past 4 years have all been rough and the same. He refuses to get on medication because he does not want to be "weak" as he says. I know that is just an excuse. I left him before but I came right back because he started seeing a psychiatrist and I thought he was making a valid effort to change. Thru the past years I see now that he doesn't think I'll leave him, he is wrong. I want a divorce but do not have the money to pay for one. He is not from my home town, he used to live 6 hours away so in a sense I feel obligated to him as well. I feel sorry for him and it frustrates me that I do because he doesn't for me and my children. At least, not enough to leave. The house we are living in is under his name but im the only one working. I'm afraid to be alone because I have never been alone. I met my husband when I was 18 and we've been together ever since. I'm tired of being unhappy and hurting and like I said, this should be a no brainer situation, its just harder than that. Any advice at all? Anyone else have a similar experience? Thank you all!
I understand your situation and understand your husband as far as not wanting to be on medication for bipolar because of the fear of weakness.. but it may be more than that.. at least it was for me..I am also bipolar and I am also not taking medication. I understand now with hind site how hard it was for the people around me including my children to deal with me both on and off medication. My experiences on medication weren't very good.. I either felt so drugged I could barely function or would get very aggressive and it was very scary for my sons.. and I spent years in and out of the hospital psych ward trying new mixes of medication and finally decided that if I used the power of my own mind and strong self control I would be better off with out medication and I can say in many situations it was too little too late and now even though it's hard.. and I have lost everyone basically that I love including my children because of shutting them all out for years I have believed it was everyone else's fault because they didn't understand but was not able to see what I did or was doing at the time.. it's been a lot of years and through talking to many people I am coming to realize that I was wrong. As far as your feelings of obligation I also understand that.. my ex-husband relocated to be with me and I couldn't take being with him anymore but I felt obligated because he relocated but I knew I didn't love him and I was so very, very unhappy.. my family and children loved him so I tried and tried and often was blamed and ganged up on because everyone thought I was only being a bi*** because of my bipolar but I was genuinely unhappy and after a while the stress and unhappiness started wearing me down physically.. I started having bad anxiety and was having heart palpitations and it was really scary.. I know he, in his own way, loved me deeply but with the support of friends that saw the situation for what it was helped me have the strength to leave and it was hard financially and emotionally to be alone but even without looking a new man came into my life and I am still with him to this day and I can say I am very happy now. So, I guess what I am trying to say is, even though there are feelings of fear to be alone and feeling of obligation and maybe even the whole, he's the father of my children so for them I will stay.. I am saying to you that your children see more then you might think and what they don't see they sense.. I know this because when my sons got older they told me themselves.. and it is hard for them to see you unhappy and probably scary for them to see their dad in episodes and not understanding why it happens they way we as adults do.. my suggestion is no matter how scary or hard it is.. if you really feel like you need to go then you may want to 'woman up' as I called it :) and be strong for both yourself and your children.. I wish you all the best and hope this helps.