Hi! I'm actually really glad I found this site today and saw your post. My husband and I are going through very similar struggles. He told me about a month ago he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. We are in counseling and he is in individual counseling. He was suggested a book by his counselor called BulletProof Spirit. It's all about this topic you are speaking of. I am hoping my marriage lasts but ultimately, I hope my husband can find some peace and himself again.

I feel like he got lost about 2 years ago. I believe all of the things they see slowly creep into their minds and souls. Eventually, they crave the adrenaline they get on the job and coming home is not fun for them anymore. The brain actually starts to re-wire itself. It sounds like your husband needs to learn to re-connect with the outside world and realize that not everyone is a criminal, including his wife. My husband treats me similarly. He shuts me down, treats me like I am the bad guy, has terrible ups and downs, and won't talk to me.

I guess all I can say in terms of insight is he likely needs counseling and you too. He is losing sight of himself and as he disconnects from the real world he pushes away everything he loves and cares about. It's a long process to get into that phase so it is gonna take time to get out of it. My counselor says to just know that his issues are not about me, they are about him. She says good self care and positive self talk. I journal, exercise, ride horses, eat healthy (as I can), and I am working on just saying what I need to say even if I get consequences for it.

Thanks for sharing your story. It has helped me today!

Hi! I’ve also went through a similar situation so you are not alone. My guy has been an officer for close ton7 years also now and every day I still tell him to get a different job because I personally would not choose for him to see what he sees and deals with everyday. It doesn’t matter what my kids and I do, I feel like we will never measure up to his “perfect job” and the excitement it gives him. I often use to cry myself to sleep as well for a very long time wondering how I got here and feeling like i deserve better and the only thing I could do to get past that was to ask him to sit down and make a list of how we can make our marriage happy again. Seems corny I know but it has helped a lot! My number 1 item was having a date night twice a month. Doesn’t sound like a lot but with two small children and his 2-10 schedule I’ll take what I can get. I’ve notice this forum isn’t as active as I’d like but I’ll check back on here often if you ever want to chat.