My ah..has never abused me..But My ex who was not an alcoholic did..From going to support groups with other domestic violence victims I have found that the alcohol just allows them to act in a violent way easier..What I mean is,that the inclination to abuse is always there..Alcohol or not. I wish I had left my abusive ex way before I did..I was there 19 years of hell. I have been married to my Ah..14 years...its been a breeze compared to the first Husband.My suggestion would be to go to some domestic violence meetings..They give a great support .

So, if you have only been married 2.5 years and have, as you say, endured years of abuse, that's pretty much the whole marriage that was abusive, correct?

I have not been in your exact situation, to have my husband quit drinking. He started being abusive a few years ago, and gave several excuses. First the excuse was that he had quit smoking (then admitted he was still smoking behind my back, and only later did I figure out he's addicted to porn, probably the real reason for being abusive), then the excuse was sleep apnea, and there were other episodes of abuse with no excuse given. I asked him over and over to cut back on drinking, but he was in denial. So, I don't really know what it's like to have him admit he has a problem, and quit.

Have you set up any boundaries about his behavior? That is one thing I did not do. After years of abuse and no positive changes on his part, I got a restraining order and the police threw him out. Our divorce is moving along now, and I'm excited to be moving on with my life. But I do wonder, what would have happened if I told him, "The next time you pee on something, I'm throwing you out." Or, "The next time you touch me or one of the kids, I am getting a restraining order and it will go on your permanent record." Or, "If you don't show up to the next soccer game, on time, and not hung over, I will file for divorce." You could try that, if you haven't already. I don't know what is the best thing for you to do, but I believe you need clear, strong boundaries, or he'll just go back to his abusive ways as soon as he sees you are back under his control, i.e. not going to leave him.

Yes he has been abusive throughout our marriage. I have tried setting boundaries and he did not respect them. It was not until I told him I want to separate that he started to wake up and is now making promise after promise. However, last night when we tried talking about our assets and how we would divide them if we do in fact split, he became enraged and started calling me all kinds of names and threatened to destroy the house. That makes me wonder if he is capable of changing.

I am so sorry...it sounds like you have your answer right there. He hasn't had a drink in two months, been going to outpatient treatment, yet he is still abusive - name calling is verbal abuse, so it threatening to destroy the house. Be sure you documented that, with the date, time, and quotations. Start gathering documentation in case you need to get an order of protection. Hugs.

Aral,typical controling abusive behavior. My ex went through numerous counseling sessions..He could change maybe for 2 months tops..I would give him chance after chance because I was sympathetic to what he had gone through as a child..It sounds like your husband is mentally unstable ,you need to save yourself..Please,Please Please,save yourself..Just remember..the more he loses control,the more he will hold on tighter...He might become even more violent..Please go to a domestic violence shelter..They can help you get through this.Let me know..I do care..Opal

My advice would be to get out now while you are able to and do not have children. Is it possible he changed for the better and he will never drink or hurt you again? Yes. Anything is possible. But is it probable? Statistically speaking, no it is not. Good marriages do not start with violence and anger and empty promises. You deserve much better than that.

Agree with Baddream…tell him to call you in a couple of years after he's sober and even then I'd be cautious. HE has to demonstrate he's changed and that's not after his first week in treatment. He has a long way to go. No women EVER deserves to be hit and there is NO excuse for it, alcohol or not. Pat yourself on the back, you're at a place where you're ready to move forward…keep walking, and don't look back!