Hold your head up high and forge ahead. He's the one who has no hope. You still do!

You do have hope for your children and yourself. I am learning to stop wasting my hope on my ah but to firect it inward. Mine is still convinced the right rehab, the right therapisy, or the right psych med will cure him. He takes no responsibility for his addiction. I am no longer hoping with him or for him. I have to hope for me. Stay strong.

Update....

I am still here and he is not drinking. He stopped again. But last weekend I found a bottle of vodka in a new hiding place, just about empty. At least it wasn't a handle -- it was an expensive bottle, and he also bought olives. Like he's thinking that if it is good stuff then it is a martini and that is better than slugging rot gut out of the bottle.

My trust in him is pretty low. When I get home I check his hiding spots, but haven't come across anything other than that one bottle. I don't know where we will end up. I've taken off my wedding ring, and have the names of a couple of lawyers but I haven't called one.

Hi Hope, we are in similar situations. I've actually gone a little further and had a consultation with an attorney, and given him a retainer. However, I'm still holding on to the packet of paperwork I need to send him to get the process started. There is always a reason to put it off a little bit. It is easier to just stay, and the whole process just seems so overwhelming that I just don't know if I have it in me to participate. Yet on the other hand, I know that to reclaim my life it's something I need to do. Finding and sustaining that strength throughout the process will be a challenge.

There are always new hiding places for those bottles. If I had a nickel for each place I've found one...

I recommend a consultation with an attorney. He will answer any questions you have. It was empowering to take that initial step.

I guess I should contact an attorney. Found another bottle. Damn.

Hugs to you, it's awful finding the hidden bottle.

I know how you all feel. Mine went to rehab and I had too high hopes for our marriage. He went back to drink 4 days later, told me he can "control his drinking" always could. Then he told me he wanted out of the marriage because he can't be happy with me anymore (subtext he needs to go back and drink). Alcoholism is a terrible disease. My counsellor said asking an alcoholic to stop drinking, is like asking a paraplegic to walk. They are so dependent on it. It takes a huge amount of work to be sober and I found out the hard way, that they have to want to be sober for them, not to save a marriage. My AH is so resentful I "sent him to rehab".

My hopes were shattered when he went back to drinking, I was thinking we could have a happy marriage. He's back to blaming me for everything, calling me names…I found a bottle of booze in his car too, which he says he has no idea how it got there. You know the more I read these posts, the more I see we all have the same behaviours. Like you on pins and needles, finding bottles…this is no way to live. We deserve to be happy. Alanon is a good place to start.