It's been a while since i've posted just trying to figure out life. The last time I posted my AH was going through a medical scare, don't really know what happened but all of a sudden his abnormal labs changed, the ones that were extermly elevated went down alot but still in abnormal range and the ones that were extermly low went up.... I'm just lost for words. Is it a good thing? Some would say yes! I feel so guilty that i've often prayed that God would intervene and do whatever it takes to make him just stop the drinking. So when he got sick I thought well here we go, this is what i've been praying for years. But the months that he went back and forth to the doctors and repeated labs he never followed the doctors orders. 1 stop drinking or at least slow down, 2 loose weight and start eating better. Weeks went by to no word on his last labs so I called and when the doctor returned the call he told my AH that the labs had improved and would see him in 2 mos for repeat of labs. Knowing that he hasn't even slowed down my AH told me thats the reason they went down - because he had slowed down!! WTF??? Who are you kidding? I see the whiskey bottles the beer cans, i'm not that foul who's believed him the past 30 yrs. I really think the alcohol has pickled his organs how else could he still be living. I feel like i've finally woke up and my give a damn has busted... Its hard on the weekends in the mornings (this is the only time I see him sober) to feel anything but anger, I don't know if I will ever get back the feelings that i've lost throught the years. The game of pretending just isn't fun to play anymore. He's trying his hardest to be nice and not argue with me in the afternoons but once he hits that 2nd pint he can't resist it. I told him last weekend that we have out 2 granddaughters to raise and thats all i'm worried about right now, he can stay and help or he can leave it's up to him. But I will not force myself to be intimate if i'm not feeling it. I've spent my better years chasing and worrying about him I will not do this anymore. My life matters to me now and I will be fine!