Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

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DSTRICK 08/08/2018

So my AH informs me that he will be having surgery next week on his hand and will be out of work for 6 weeks! I can't handle 1 week of vacation how the heck will I handle 6.... Our 31 Anniversery is next week and honestly after last year I don't even want to acknowledge it!

The past months I have pulled myself away from his addiction and trying to focus on me for a change and not let things bother me so much that i've gotten into this rutt where I don't want anything to do with him at all even when he's sober! However sobriety isn't very often. I hate this bitterness and anger that I have built up from so many years of dealing with or should I say not dealing with his addiction and just allowing it to run my life! Next month I have so many plans a family trip (without him) and stepping out of my box and taking a trip alone to see friends. For anyone who knows me knows this is a BIG deal for me to fly across country alone. I'm excited and looking forward to my adventure!

endlessgrief 08/08/2018

It downright sucks to be where you are. You are EXACTLY where I am in my marriage. 31 years, trying to distance myself, not wanting be around him even when he is sober. I GET IT.

It would be a huge step forward if you went on vacation anyways. Yes, it would be scary and you might feel guilty but haven't you put enough time into taking care of him for 31 years? My thoughts are with you.

sevier 08/09/2018

I feel ya! I went on a vacation last month without my husband and it was amazing. It was so relaxing not having to worry about him and what state he would be in. No walking on eggshells, just total relaxation and rejuvenation. I will say that it was hard to come home and deal with him when I got a taste of what my life could be like. It was so worth it though. I hope you take that vacation and find yourself again.

DSTRICK 08/09/2018

thank u endless, my guilt is usually in the mornings when he's completely sober and telling me good bye as he's leaving for work. But then I think why should I feel guilty??? He tells me he can't do 4-6 weeks in a rehab but he didn't hesitate taking 6 weeks off to have his FINGER operated on! What does this tell me.... he honestly has no intentions of quieting. All he wants to do is make me feel guilty so I will go back to pretending all is perfect and he can continue to drink and have me there to take care of him.

I'm so sorry that you or anyone else has to deal with this insane disease. At least they have the comfort of forgetting the pain what do we have? False promises and broken pieces. I'm going on this vacation and any other opportunities that I get to go and just be me. I will not allow his addiction to control me it may keep me there for now but it won't keep me there forever! We will survive and come out stronger.... thoughts with you as well! ;)

DSTRICK 08/09/2018

thank u sevier, I will go and I will enjoy! Just gonna have to mute my phone i'm sure!

2Irish 08/21/2018

i have also made that ultimatum to myself and have yet to do so.
Very proud of you for stepping into being the new you.
Go out and visit friends and family! make no excuses just enjoy the time and be yourself. Take those moments of joy and store them in your heart.

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