Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
Well, things have been going ok for the kids and I. My husband and I have been divorced for a bit now and I've been making strides towards moving on, fixing myself, fixing the damage done to the kids. My ex husband and I tried for a short amount of time to be friendly to one another, but I just couldn't do it. I love him, love him more than anybody in the world (except for my children of course!!) and "friends" just wasn't good for me. I cut off all ties, even changed my phone number. He's left me alone for several weeks...not a single word out of him.
Today, he sent me a FB message. I haven't spoken to him for several weeks, so was shocked when I saw a message from him. I had specifically asked that he not call me, message me, come to see me...NOTHING...unless there was an emergency. He has some serious medical problems that often cause him to be hospitalized. I asked to at least be kept in the loop if something were to happen to him, by at least having his sister contact me. Anyway, when I got a message today...I freaked out, thinking something was wrong. When I opened it and it was simply a funny pic with a "Hope you are doing well" message, I should have just ignored it...but nope, I answered him.
Why does he keep drawing me back in? I haven't cried over him in a few weeks now. Granted, it's still so raw and painful...but the fact that I haven't cried is a huge accomplishment to me! I answered his message with a generic "Kids and I are fine. Hope you are doing well also" and moved into general small talk, finally ending with us discussing our ruined relationship. I don't want to do that anymore! It's ruined...it's over...it can't be salvaged. Yes, he's sober...will be a year May 27th (thank God!)...but our marriage was a casualty of the alcoholism! Just when I start to feel stable, start to feel normal, just when I get to a point I'm not a hot mess anymore...he pops back up into my life in some way. WHY?? I feel like I went right back to square one today! I spent the entire morning bawling my eyes out, because he reminded me how much I miss him...and I shouldn't! I just don't understand WHY he has to keep doing this to me, when I've begged him not to?
Today, he sent me a FB message. I haven't spoken to him for several weeks, so was shocked when I saw a message from him. I had specifically asked that he not call me, message me, come to see me...NOTHING...unless there was an emergency. He has some serious medical problems that often cause him to be hospitalized. I asked to at least be kept in the loop if something were to happen to him, by at least having his sister contact me. Anyway, when I got a message today...I freaked out, thinking something was wrong. When I opened it and it was simply a funny pic with a "Hope you are doing well" message, I should have just ignored it...but nope, I answered him.
Why does he keep drawing me back in? I haven't cried over him in a few weeks now. Granted, it's still so raw and painful...but the fact that I haven't cried is a huge accomplishment to me! I answered his message with a generic "Kids and I are fine. Hope you are doing well also" and moved into general small talk, finally ending with us discussing our ruined relationship. I don't want to do that anymore! It's ruined...it's over...it can't be salvaged. Yes, he's sober...will be a year May 27th (thank God!)...but our marriage was a casualty of the alcoholism! Just when I start to feel stable, start to feel normal, just when I get to a point I'm not a hot mess anymore...he pops back up into my life in some way. WHY?? I feel like I went right back to square one today! I spent the entire morning bawling my eyes out, because he reminded me how much I miss him...and I shouldn't! I just don't understand WHY he has to keep doing this to me, when I've begged him not to?
Just because you leave him does nit mean you still do not love and care for him. Its ok too
You both can live in seperate home for you and your childrens sanity but still be there ...if
(You) choose to be there.
Love is a very strange thing our mind and heart does not always work for the same goal.
Just do what you have been doing ... it will get easier as time goes on.
Take care of yourself too. You deserve a better life the the one you had. : ) and it sounds like
You have taken a major step to achieve that.
If you truly love him and vice versa, there is no reason you cannot remarry in the future, but be absolutely certain he is stone cold sober for a long time before you go down this road. Good luck.
He just angers me! I did understand this time that I was being sucked back in again. After the other day, I blocked him on my Facebook, he still doesn't have my new cell phone number, and co-workers have been instructed to take messages for me if I get a phone call. I am NOT doing this anymore. I'm NOT. I love him...but love doesn't mean that it will work. I know you said chukarfan that there is no reason that we cannot remarry...but I could never do it again, as much as I love him. Years of being abused, years of my children being mistreated, manipulation for months after separating, manipulation after our divorce...I can't do it again.