I haven't posted in a while because I've been working so hard to just function like I have a normal life. My husband is out of control and he doesn't seem to even notice. Every 2-3 days he throws a tantrum about something ridiculous. He curses at me continuously calling me all sorts of names. If I'm not at home he calls and leaves mean voicemails or sends me texts to let me know how much he hates being with me and how miserable he is. According to him he drinks because I'm boring. Everything is my fault. I'm a horrible mother and wife according to him. He knows I finally told my mother what was going on after me and the kids had to stay with her for a month earlier this year. Now he accuses me of acting like a child and running to my moms house. He keeps saying he wishes I would grow up and I should say things back to him when he's going off on me. Right now I feel like nothing can be done to fix this. I'm finding pints of vodka all over the place: in the bedroom closet, under the bed, under the kitchen sink, in the freezer, in the spice cabinet. It makes me so angry. He doesn't work yet he complains that all I do is go to work and sleep. He doesn't seem to understand that part of the reason I sleep so much is because I'm depressed and it's a way I can get away from his foolishness. I  started grad school in 2011 but quit because of his fits of rage and how unpredictable he was. I started back last year and this time I didn't let him discourage me. I did my assignments while he was asleep and sometimes at work. I finally finished three weeks ago! I was so proud of myself for completing this goal. Of course he's been criticizing me saying I think I'm better than him because I got a degree and I'm nothing. Today he said he will go to rehab after the new year. I don't believe him but I pray he really goes. This may finally give me a chance to try to set things in motion to begin a life separate from him. Even if he gets sober, so much damage has been done I don't think it's possible to ever go back to normal.