I’m sitting at my desk at work on the verge of tears..... so hurt and angry and sad. We had a HUGE blowout about two weeks ago when I came home to a man so drunk he could hardly stand up. I’ve been trying very hard not to confront or even show irritation but that day was just too much and the minute he sensed my upset he became verbally abusive and I lost it. ...... so it has been peaceful for the last two weeks with him trying to stay sober. That lasted for a few days . But he kept it under enough control that I could stay detached from his problem and then we could enjoy each other’s company to some degree. He was a bit irritable and nasty over thanksgiving weekend so I know he was working towards another binge. I spoke to him about it and he uncharacteristicly was kind and understanding and stayed sober(?) Monday and Tuesday but by Wednesday I knew he was drinking early in the day but didn’t confront.... yesterday I knew he was drinking when he called to check in but he had gone out to buy Christmas wreaths for our doors AND because I’m tired of the confrontations. He wasn’t especially pleasant to be around and I guess the wreath buying and hanging was to be a sort of bribe. Any way....... my girlfriend and I are doing a little preholiday gathering tonight: appetizers at her house the around the block to mine for desserts. Hubby was ok with this and even offered to help by picking up some ice cream at the store for me today. Then around 9:00 am he calls to “ suggest “ something that I really don’t want to do, but it’s insignificant, he is drinking, but still, I think he is trying to be nice so I say thank you great idea and let it go at that. 

He calls at 2:00 freaking WASTED!!!!! But since I have friends coming home with me and I don’t want a scene,nor do I want to feel upset..... I simply chit-chat about my day at work. It’s a difficult conversation since he is somewhat incoherent but what am I going t do? When I finish talking about my day I say somethong like”that’s all I’ve got, what about you? Do you need anything or are you just checking in?” He goes bananas! Screaming and cursing at me. I’m like WTF????? Then it’s the same old verbal abuse only he is getting worse and worse. He “ just doesn’t give a shit” calling me all kinds of names  blah blah blah...... I ask him to please listen to me that I meant absolutely nothing by the comment but he is too drunk and insane. So after hanging up on me several times. ( I’m fully reacting now ) he says he is locking the house so I can’t come in. And hangs up. I call back and say please just let it go. More crazy from him so I realize I’m in over my head and just hang up. 

While im typing this, he calls me back, now in the past he would call back to say not to worry he just got mad but he will calm down. Sadly this addiction has damaged his psyche... he calls back to tell me I am not allowed to come home. I calmly say that that is not an option. He can go out or go to bed, or what ever but he does not need to worry because I will not embarrass him in front of my friends. More abuse. So I said good bye I won’t engage in this. He making mimic noises ( his new thing. ) so I hang up. 

Cant wait to go home and see what happens. If I’m locked out..... this is a whole new level of brain damage I’ll have to deal with. Wish me luck.