Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
My brother is getting married in 2 weeks. This is not a surprise. We originally planned to give them between 300-500 as a wedding present.
Of course, these last couple months when AH's drinking got out of control and he missed so many days of work I'm surprised he still has a job, we've been broke! Juggling bills and making half payments, late on rent. Ugh. It's been hell.
So today I bring up the wedding and ask how much we are giving, and he says we can only do $150, because we just simply don't have the money. Imagine the self control it took me not to react in any way at all except supportive and understanding BECAUSE last Friday when the whole horrible weekend happened, he took 100 and lost 80 on poker. The next day he took another 100 and it disappeared the night he didn't come home. And today he was invited to a birthday that of course he went to, taking 50. That is 250!! On his own selfishness and drunkenness and fun! But when my baby brother gets married we DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR A GIFT!
I am so embarrassed right now, to have chosen a selfish alcoholic to marry and have a son with.
Now, with all that off my chest.... he has continued weaning off alcohol even more assertively than before, and is taking special training for work so that he can get promoted. I give him credit there and when more money does start coming in I'll give a proper amount to my brother. .
I just hate that we never gave money for gifts but for the last 3 years he has always managed to find it to get drunk and go out to bars with his friends :( it's so humiliating!
Of course, these last couple months when AH's drinking got out of control and he missed so many days of work I'm surprised he still has a job, we've been broke! Juggling bills and making half payments, late on rent. Ugh. It's been hell.
So today I bring up the wedding and ask how much we are giving, and he says we can only do $150, because we just simply don't have the money. Imagine the self control it took me not to react in any way at all except supportive and understanding BECAUSE last Friday when the whole horrible weekend happened, he took 100 and lost 80 on poker. The next day he took another 100 and it disappeared the night he didn't come home. And today he was invited to a birthday that of course he went to, taking 50. That is 250!! On his own selfishness and drunkenness and fun! But when my baby brother gets married we DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR A GIFT!
I am so embarrassed right now, to have chosen a selfish alcoholic to marry and have a son with.
Now, with all that off my chest.... he has continued weaning off alcohol even more assertively than before, and is taking special training for work so that he can get promoted. I give him credit there and when more money does start coming in I'll give a proper amount to my brother. .
I just hate that we never gave money for gifts but for the last 3 years he has always managed to find it to get drunk and go out to bars with his friends :( it's so humiliating!
It is hard. I find myself in your shoes many times. I work lots of extra time because I know by the end of the month I always come up short.
Alcoholics just do not understand. They live for themselves and only for the moment.
Mine has gone through all of our retirement money. I know I will have it harder then him but you know
I have chose not to fight him anymore it just make matters worse. I will have to take care of myself as always..
I pray for you ..Trust in God that he will give you what you need ...not necessarily what you want. But it will be all you need at the time. I know this so for that reason I can let things go..
Have a great Easter...He lives in you and me..:-)