Hi Bluesprite,
I'm so sorry for you. Alcoholics are self-absorbed people who live to serve only themselves.

He's living in a fantasy if he thinks you will move out, but come back every morning to care for your kids. If you're sleeping away from the house, and he's still drinking, who is the responsible party who could be there in an emergency in the night, like a child needs to go to ER, or the house is on fire?An active alcoholic not only cannot be counted on to be responsible in an emergency, but they have been known to be the ones who create the emergencies.

Last spring, my AH was drunk, and got confused about the gas stove. He thought he was turning it off, when in fact he turned it on HI, and left the room. I smelled something burning (there was a pan left on the burner), about 10 minutes later (he never noticed), and went into the kitchen to find the pan burned black on the bottom, and the stove on HI. There is no way I'd ever leave my AH to be the responsible party, overnight, with kids!

If you feel you need to leave, even for one night, you really do need to take your kids with you, even if they protest. And the idea that you would move out, leave the kids with drunken him, is just ludicrous. A's only see how they come out best, never what is in the interest of anyone else, even those who they claim to love (their kids). So don't listen to him as to what is best or what should happen.

Have you consulted with an attorney? Many attorneys will give a free consult. You could find out what would most likely happen in your case, about if the house would need to be sold, and how custody and visitation might work. It could very well be that if you did go to court, that you and the kids would remain in the home, he would be required to leave, and his visitation could be linked to sobriety monitoring.

My guess is he told you what he did (you move out, but come back daily to care for kids) to get you to back down and let things continue as they are. He's protecting his disease, by keeping everything the same. It was an empty threat.

Do you have family nearby? Could you take your kids to stay with you, at a family members house, temporarily, until either your housing situation was worked out, or he took you seriously and began the journey to sobriety?

I know there must be viable options for you. Just keep looking into possibilities. Sending hugs and saying prayers for you.

I'm going to talk to an attorney this week, before I give him his options, so that he knows I'm serious about things. I have a friend near by that I could go to if needed. That way I don't disrupt school for the boys, my family all live about 40 mins away. My boys are 15 and 12, but I still don't trust the boys to be with him. Especially since the news of our divorce is so new. I don't know what he has been telling them while I have been out and about.

The first night we had our talk, I went out to get the boys some drinks and get milk. Come home to find out that he had come out and told the boys I wanted to leave and get a divorce. We hadn't even discussed telling the boys about it and goes and does it behind my back. I let him hear about it.
Things will work out and I will fight for what I want, regardless of how he behaves. Just done with the games and manipulations that come with alcoholism. Whenever we talk about how we are to move forward, or what he wished that I had done more of, always the games and trying to blame me for almost 17 years of his problem affecting the family. Uggghhh! I do have people to go to and be a support for me thru this, I just know this will probably suck going thru. But I will continue to come back with updates and give support to others. This is a great place for us to come together.
Thank you for being here. And I will try to be here for you as well.

It's a hard decision to come to. Mine blames me for everything. They are brilliant at not taking one bit of responsibility for their behaviour. I've been with my AH for 25 yrs, begging and pleading with him to get help. I even paid for an intervention for him, he went to treatment for 28 days and started drinking the minute he got out. My 15 yr old son became an addict (I got him help, did it all on my own, no support from my AH, he actually undermined his treatment, my son thankfully is doing well). Unbelievable as it is, my AH blames me for my son's addiction, it's my fault because I didn't let him spank the kids when they were young (he figures that's discipline). He takes NO responsibility that maybe his role modelling may have had something to do with it. Anyway, I'm done with the blame game. I have gone to a lawyer, she is drafting a legal separation, house is going up for sale in a few weeks. We've spent years arguing over this, his demands were ridiculous, like you, he wanted me to move out and he'd care for the kids. He's rarely taken any active parenting role, as a matter of fact each time I was in labor with the boys, he kept going out to the car to drink. I remember getting mad at him for drinking while I was giving birth to our kids. The 3 most important things in his life are vodka, money and work (he's self employed so he drinks at work and drives home). I anonymously reported him to the police. He still hasn't been caught, though the police did warn him....(no-one knows I did that so shhh). There are days when it is hard to carry out my plan of leaving, because I still remember the man I married that was kind, funny and I enjoyed being around him. But that guy rarely appears, the vodka changes his personality and we are all on guard at home. I usually just walk away, unless he becomes so vile to the kids I step in. I have had to talk to the kids a lot about how addiction destroys people and had them in for counselling. Anyway, good for you that you are pursuing a happier life. There will be days where you may wonder if you are doing the right thing, just remind yourself of who your AH has become, not who he once was. I also believe that maybe the pain of loosing his family may be a wake up call, but I'm not holding my breath. Addiction is too much apart of who he is. I wish you well, and yes let us know how it works out. Transitions are very difficult, I just try to remind myself that we all won't have to be subjected to his tirades anymore, and out home life will be calmer. Best of luck.

I am in a similar situation, and I feel the vodka has made him delusional. He says the most ridiculous things to me - "let's fire the lawyers, go out on a date and work things out", "I just want to come home." - no f'n way! I did a Motion to Vacate several months ago since his drinking had gotten so out of control. He then went into detox and then rehab and it didn't take long for him to slide back into his old ways. He was just fired for drinking on the job. He used to make a nice 6 figure salary. I'd like him to give me the house, and I will forego child support. I calculated what he would owe me based on his customary high salary, and it would equate to his half of the proceeds. I doubt he'll go for it, but I'm hopeful the court will.

Getting away from him is the best thing I have ever done. Life is peaceful and stress free without him & his vodka, and all that comes with it. My kids are doing much better too. He spent most of his time with the bottle, and worked his way out of our lives, so much so that we don't even miss him. Too bad for him, I kept telling him eventually I would reach my limit and divorce him & he just said "no you won't". That's me, I put up with a lot but once I make up my mind, I never turn back. Wishing everyone the strength to make your lives happy & peaceful.