Wives of Alcoholics Community Group
A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.
I am having a rough day. This site always makes me feel better.
My husband and I finished dividing our stuff today. I didn't have to go to the house that we had shared...I just knew what was left and told him what I wanted. He brought it and dropped it off at the apartment. He acted as if he wanted to stand a talk, but I didn't. I am still too hurt to have a conversation with him, like nothing ever happened.
After he left, he started texting me...telling me that I was rude (and maybe I was...but I am NOT in a place to be able to talk to him right now!). I told him that...and he berates me about how I told him that we could try to be friends, that I have no right to be so rude and abrupt with him (which I will give him...I'm not trying to be rude, have no interest in arguing...just can't help the cold feeling I have right now for him). He attacked me because he found out that I have gone out several times with another man, who treats me like a princess. I do not feel guilty about going out...it's been months since I moved out, two months since we completely decided to part ways. He just continued to berate me about things until I finally stopped answering him. It was ridiculous. We've already gone to an attorney, there are no children to worry about in the divorce since the kids aren't his biologically. We were told we could be divorced in a month or two, since nobody is contesting anything at all.
I just don't know how to get past the ANGER that I feel towards him right now. I don't want to be angry...but I am! He left me! HE was the alcoholic and he left ME! He started AA, cleaned himself up, I stuck by him through it all...the kids and I tolerated several years of abuse, neglect, cheating, poor choices...and HE left ME! Are you serious?? I just can't get past that right now. One of this reasons for leaving was my son...my son has Asperger's Syndrome, which can be very difficult to deal with. My family went through a very trying time recently, re-working his meds. Life was hell, quite frankly. Because of that, I was stressed...my other kids were misbehaving as a way of coping with what was going on. But, had he bothered to stick around, we finally have my son's medications correct and he is calm, sweet, loving again like I know he can be. My other children have settled down also. To me, that's just another dagger...he claimed to love me...claimed to love my children...but abandoned us when things were at their hardest? Really??
I am, at the end, happier without my husband. My children are happier without him also. I am very conscious of that. I do not want to get back with my husband. BUT, at the same time, I do not want to be angry with him anymore either. It is what it is. How on earth do I work past this anger? I can't hardly stand to even be in the same vicinity of him right now because of the resentment that I'm holding on to. I thought this would be simpler...
My husband and I finished dividing our stuff today. I didn't have to go to the house that we had shared...I just knew what was left and told him what I wanted. He brought it and dropped it off at the apartment. He acted as if he wanted to stand a talk, but I didn't. I am still too hurt to have a conversation with him, like nothing ever happened.
After he left, he started texting me...telling me that I was rude (and maybe I was...but I am NOT in a place to be able to talk to him right now!). I told him that...and he berates me about how I told him that we could try to be friends, that I have no right to be so rude and abrupt with him (which I will give him...I'm not trying to be rude, have no interest in arguing...just can't help the cold feeling I have right now for him). He attacked me because he found out that I have gone out several times with another man, who treats me like a princess. I do not feel guilty about going out...it's been months since I moved out, two months since we completely decided to part ways. He just continued to berate me about things until I finally stopped answering him. It was ridiculous. We've already gone to an attorney, there are no children to worry about in the divorce since the kids aren't his biologically. We were told we could be divorced in a month or two, since nobody is contesting anything at all.
I just don't know how to get past the ANGER that I feel towards him right now. I don't want to be angry...but I am! He left me! HE was the alcoholic and he left ME! He started AA, cleaned himself up, I stuck by him through it all...the kids and I tolerated several years of abuse, neglect, cheating, poor choices...and HE left ME! Are you serious?? I just can't get past that right now. One of this reasons for leaving was my son...my son has Asperger's Syndrome, which can be very difficult to deal with. My family went through a very trying time recently, re-working his meds. Life was hell, quite frankly. Because of that, I was stressed...my other kids were misbehaving as a way of coping with what was going on. But, had he bothered to stick around, we finally have my son's medications correct and he is calm, sweet, loving again like I know he can be. My other children have settled down also. To me, that's just another dagger...he claimed to love me...claimed to love my children...but abandoned us when things were at their hardest? Really??
I am, at the end, happier without my husband. My children are happier without him also. I am very conscious of that. I do not want to get back with my husband. BUT, at the same time, I do not want to be angry with him anymore either. It is what it is. How on earth do I work past this anger? I can't hardly stand to even be in the same vicinity of him right now because of the resentment that I'm holding on to. I thought this would be simpler...
I did a lot of work on me and accepting my own complicity. For me that meant that had I really loved and respected me, I never would have married him. I would have walked away at the first sign of what he really was. As I accepted my own mistakes and worked on my own healing and recovery, release of the anger and forgiveness eventually came.
Eventually I learned how to forgive myself for having put up with far too much insanity for too long. Eventually I forgave him.
But it all started with finally getting angry and letting myself feel that anger for as long as I needed to.
Take care of yourself first so you can take care of your kids. Your husband came into your life to teach you a valuable lesson that maybe you would not have learned otherwise. Think about what that lesson could be so you can learn, grow, and move on. If you learn this lesson now, you will not have to repeat it later. You are a worthy of love. Begin again by loving yourself.