As women we carry so much of the relationship on our shoulders - especially when the spouse is an addict (meaning they are self focused exclusively just as are small children). 

But when we are not allowed to express affection and are blatantly rejected for asking .... The sense of failure. 

Even in todays society when a divorce would take place who is the first one to be blamed ? The female. She should have done more. Been more. Acted more. WHY is it her? Why not him! 

It is the obligation of those who are long suffering to share with the 'new to a relationship' the cons about being in a relationship with an alcoholic with the hope that the newbie will run away as fast as possible and not step into the trenches of sorrow. 

So tired of the current, frustrated at the lack, sorrowful for the past, angry at the future,  disappointed for what should have been.   Displays of intimate affection are not disgusting nor cause for fights.

How do I stop feeling like a failure? My brain knows it is his choice to live like a child or a celibate monk but MY body and heart SO miss the touch of a loving partner who will reciprocate. How do I once again put my feelings in a box and close it tight.