This is the first time I have ever reached out in a support group of any kind, I am hoping this helps because I do not know what else to do at this point. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and I would say I was the happiest I had ever been for about the first 6 years and then we moved to a very small and rural town in the Colorado Rockies. I am talking 1 stoplight, 1.5 hours to nearest hospital or even pharmacy. At first I thought this was the most beautiful place I have ever gotten the chance to live in, but there is something toxic about this town and my husbands drinking, cruelity towards me and our daughter, have gotten out of hand. I do not leave the house anymore except to take my kiddo to school, go to church, and occassionally head out for a walk because I have just completely shut down. I feel trapped and literally have nobody because of the alcohol issue in this town. My husband says he is not an alcoholic because he only drinks beer (12-18 a night on a good night) and he runs a succsessful business and does not need to wake up with vodka in his hand in the mornings. However, the person he has become is someone I do not even recognize anymore. He is very good about NEVER getting behind the wheel if he has had even half of a beer, so I don't have to worry about him driving drunk at least. He also doesn't go to the bars (except for maybe 10 nights in a years time. He just gets off work and starts to drink and stays in his workshop like he doesn't have a family at all. Recently I have also fallen ill with 2 auto immune disorders as well as epilepsy (started out of nowhere) and my neurologist took my licnese from me, so now I really have absolutly nobody to help me get to where I need to be sometimes and I feel so alone. My daughter and I have become completely co-dependent on one another because she is scared of how he treats me so she doesnt leave my side for the most part and I feel guilty because I feel as though we have morphed into more of a best friend scinerio rather than mother and daughter. However, we are all that we have and we are ashamed of Matt's behaviour so we really only talk about it between the two of us. I do not know what to do anynore. I have tried everything from getting upset with him and yelling, to calling his mom, reading al-anon... I have called him names, recorded him when he is really being awful and almost anything else you could think of. I finally felt so defeated I started to immurse myself with our local Catholic Parish and giving my time to help the church and be there as much as possible because I feel like my last shot at trying to help him find who he used to be is to just pray as much as possible. I do not want to leave him because i know that he is fighting a disease, I also want to try everything possible to help before I consider leaving him due to me being Catholic and not agreeing that divorce is one of my options at this time. For anyone that reads this, I appreciate your time and if you have any advice you could offer I would appreciate it with all my heart. I miss the man I married. I just want him back.