Just wondering if any of you experienced big personality changes in your AH after beginning a therapy program? I guess I had other expectations than the way it has turned out. I twas so happy that after 20 years of drinking that he finally was getting the help he needed. It is a group therapy, I think around 4-5 People. They meet every monday evening and he he has a one on one session every other friday. Anyway, the changes started almost immediately. He stopped drinking but became extremely self absorbed, distant , selfish and showed very ittle interst in me or in our relationship. I thought he would feel be better about himself and therefor be happier. But he was very difficult to be around. He slowly was emotionally detaching himself from me, our kids and our friends. Even our hobbies were not enjoyable for him anymore. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said this is what he needed to do so that he wouldn't fall back into the old traps that made him drink in the first place. I understood but felt very pushed back, lonely and confused. It got so bad that in the end he questioned if I was the right person for hmi. He said I didn't fullfill his needs (meaning sex). How was I supposed to want to be intimate with someone who makes me feel so unimportant and not really loved. He said that we both had changed. He wanted to have more space in the relationship. No expectations, no demands, just be! Believe it or not I missed the drinking man. I knew that person! But this one was a stranger to me. At least while he was drinking he would feel so guilty at times that he would be extra nice for periods at a time. But it became very clear to me, that his niceness was only guilt driven not genuine. He even admitted that and said now that he stopped drinking he does not have to try to make up for anything anymore and that I needed to give him more attention and make more of an effort to fullfill his needs. He expected all of this within a 4 month period although he had been drinking for 20!!! Its always about HIM HIM HIM!!! But why do I feel that I should have done more??? I decided to leave him 6 weeks ago because I think he has a girlfriend. He denies it but his cold, uncaring, disinterested behavior was too hurtful for me to bea.r After 4 months of not drinking,,he started drinking again! I was facing surgery.( I have reoccuring bladder cancer) he knew it and still treated me so badly. He is a true "High Funtioning Narcisstic Alcoholic"!!!

So, I had my 8th surgery! This time without him! He always drank like a fish during these times. He drank before I went to the hospital,He would visit me drunk in the hospital sometimes even brought our son with which meant he was drinking and driving! And then after he would bring me home, put me in bed, he would go straight to the basement or garage, even though I would beg him not to. He could never deal with me being sick. It was too inconvenient for hmi. I needed him at these times and he couldn't handle that because he was too self absorbed. Again its always all about HIM!!! I was released from the hospital on monday. I went to my daughters for a couple of days and now back to my girlfriends. I did it all without him!! I even sent him a text message and asked him not to call me. He asked my daughter for my telephone number in the hospital but I decided it was better for me not to have any contact. This was great advice from you ladies!!! I haven't heard anything from him for 2 weeks now.

So back to my original question, did any of you experience these kind of personality changes during therapy? I had other expections! Or maybe this is who he really is and alcohol covered it up? Hmmmm....thoughts please!