OMG I am so sorry to hear this. Sucks because you probably won't get child support. Start figuring out a way to make it without his child support checks. And start going thru with the divorce. Maybe you are and just taking that long in the courts. I do not see how they can come after you since you are not liable for the theft, but if you have legal aid or can find the money, I would consult an attorney. A lot of times they will give a free consult but don't sign on the dotted line unless you have to because you don't need attorney fees unless no way around it. Maybe your divorce attorney can advise if you are using one?

Maybe he will hit rock bottom but don't count on it.

Good advice from Lori. I am sorry too that this happened. I don't think they will come after you for the money. Try to think of what you will do if the worst happens. Don't pay it! If you get any kind of notice, write them a letter documenting how you knew nothing about this. What is the worst they can do then? Send it to a collection agency? Again, write them a letter explaining you are not going to pay, you had nothing to do with this crime, you have been separated for nearly two years and have filed for divorce (I assume). I think we wives have some codependency issues that we assume that anything our AH does wrong, we have to "fix". You don't. If they come after you, fight back. Explain that this has caused a hardship for you - much worse than it has caused for the company. Maybe they will leave you alone, but I bet they won't come after a single mom with two kids.

And yes, I agree with your first sentence, that being married to an alcoholic is like waiting for the next big crisis. I think we are so used to jumping in and fixing the crisis, that sometimes we fail to see that we don't have to. I am finding out through this experience with my AH that doing the "right" thing almost never pays.

...Also, I don't mean for my reply to sound harsh or flippant. Of course you are having a hard time. I would be too. But I am encouraging you to think outside of the box, and think what can you do that nobody is going to tell you that you are allowed to do.

Hi there. I am new on here, and just signed up a few minutes ago, but I am so sorry of your troubles. I realise that every situation is different, for al of us, and I know how alcohol can ruin so many lives. I don't have children, but I know it must be very difficult at times, as well as frustrating. My ex of 3 years ago was a drug addict. We were together for a long time, but he began to get into more serious drugs and mistreated and abandoned me. He left me all alone to fend for myself like a stray dog in the street. My family lives far away and most of my friends were his as well...he was very controlling. .I managed somehow to get through it, and put my lifes belongings in storage, live in a rented room with my 2 dogs...and find work and try to move on...I was on my own for awhile ....Eventually I found who I thought was a good man, but I was wrong. It wasn't until about after 6 months that I found out I am with an alcoholic. He was such a charmer at first and I got sucked in. He is more of a binger alcoholic, but that's beginning to change. He is drinking more and more, knows that I despise it, ad his behaviour. Respect is something I will never get from him, because he doesn't respect himself. I am a bitch in HIS eyes, because I don't like his drinking...I have listened to stories lately on tv from addicts who typically lose everything and hit rock bottom, before they wake up, and hopefully get help. As your last sentence says...When will this nightmare end? I am so sorry once again....They affect SO many lives when they drink, and only think of themselves... I only hope that knowing you are not alone, dealing with an alcoholic,... can bring a little comfort to you.....So many people battle with this, and I know its very draining...but please try and have faith....I try, although I do lose my faith, and wonder if God forgot about me...But we cant give up....Thanks for listening...We all need people who can relate to what we are dealing with ..That's what this site is all about, and that's why I signed up...Wish I could help you more....Hugs..

Bad dream-so sorry about your situation. I am assuming because you are not divorced you and ah just agreed on an amount for support? And he was paying that consistently? I would definitely start any divorce proceedings now before they do come back on you. Were u legally separated? If so then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. I know when I consulted my attorney they suggested legal separation in case of a d.w.i. If my ah got one, I wouldn't have any responsibility. However if we are married, it would be both our responsibility to pay his legal obligations. If he killed someone and they sued-they would sue the both of us. I work with a lady whose husband bought a restaurant and failed to pay taxes. He is in jail and her wages are being garnished.... I am in MN so laws may vary from state to state but you should maybe consult an attorney. Good luck.

OMG 11Christmases - you certainly hit the nail on the head with the codependency issues! And that it's not my job to jump in and fix this. I made it my job for so long that I forget that sometimes and truly appreciate the reminder. I asked him WHY now, when we've recently gotten our tax refund back. He gave me most of it, although I only requested we split it 50/50. He said he wanted ME to have the money. Of course that makes my guilt kick in, but why? I did not ask him to steal anything, or to go without on my behalf. It's infuriating that he still has the power to pull me into his drama when I'm feeling like I've come so far. Guess I still have a lot more work to do.

In answer to the questions above: We are not legally separated and I have not yet started the divorce process. Mostly because I don't have the money and legal aid was a joke. They still wanted $5000! Also, he had a full time job with medical benefits for the kids and his own place while I was unemployed and living with my parents. The lawyer I spoke with said no way I would get full custody under those conditions..And yes, he has been very consistent with child support that we agreed on privately. He is a highly functioning alcoholic and has most people fooled. Although I'm betting that the people he worked with are seeing him in a different light, which is quite gratifying since they all took his side and covered his court costs when I left him and had him arrested for child endangerment. Karma ;)

He has agreed to pay back the money he stole by taking money from his IRA. So far they have not pressed charges. I think they are waiting to see if he really pays it back or not. In some ways that's good because I won't get dragged into this mess, but it would have been extra arsenal during the custody battle if it were on his record. Also, it just plain irritates me that he seems to get away with everything.

Thanks for listening and advising... only someone who has been involved with an alcoholic understands that things are never what they seem, that our 'normal' is so different from most people's norma.l

I am glad he has a plan for paying back...not ideal having to take from the IRA but definitely not the worst that could happen.

I hope you can get your divorce rolling soon...must be very frustrating. I had a friend that went through a similar thing with legal aid being too slow.

And you're so right about our normal being so different. That is something it took me too long to learn.

baddream - you don't need a lawyer to get a divorce, if he is agreeable, you can get an uncontested divorce agreement on-line and file yourself in the court. (TX - $300) Of course, it's kind of a joke to ask an actively drinking alcoholic to be agreeable, but with a bit of time, who knows? I gave up child support (he wasn't working) in exchange for all proceeds on the sale of the house. You might also look into mediated divorce, it's cheaper than attorneys fighting one another.