Wives of Alcoholics Community Group

A forum of healing and help for wives of alcoholics.

0 Online

sweetiepie212121 10/12/2018

Am I the only one who can tolerate the AH with his drinking but end up snapping verbally?.

Every single night he is he is verbally aggressive towards me and I remind him some mornings about how wrong it was. I began feeling depressed yesterday and first thing this morning was filled with dried. This morning I told him not to get on my case because he gives me rubbish every night. He said sorry lying.

While naked he put a coat on, picked up his wine leaving with his intimate areas exposed telling me that he had a job to do. Yes, this happened this morning at 6.30am.

The love has vanished between us. He even says if I want to find someone else to do. This hurts me more than anything, the last thing on my mind is that. I keep trying to make it work. Yet he thinks offering me money will keep me happy. I would rarther have him like how it was when we met.

Well the great news is that I have got the whole day without him brining me down. I so wish my life wasn't like this.

2Irish 10/27/2018

perhaps part of his disease if due to low self esteem which explains the comment to go ahead and leave ...? You must set boundaries for your self to not be verbally abused. find some way to make sure he gets that itis unacceptable to treat you this way - you do not treat him that way.
leave the room when he starts getting belligerent or use a code word to try and get his attention that he is going down a negative path -
good luck to you. the sad reality is that we love alcoholics. they say they love us but they are devoted to the bottle.

Laura82 11/09/2018

I don’t understand the verbal abuse. I get it too. All the time. I will be trying to have a nice night with him, hoping that will make him feel better and not want to drink to excess. But then he just turns and starts attacking me.

DSTRICK 11/13/2018

laura, the attacking is to keep himself from feeling guilty! If he gets a response then he has a reason to drink. It took me so long to see why my AH was constantly starting an argument. It didn't matter how nice I was or even when I didn't comment on his drinking and just pretended nothing happened the next day when he was sober. I try not to engage when he starts, sometimes I succeed other times he pushes me to far and there I am right where he wanted me! I'm the one that feels guilty after because we remember, and they have that luxury to forget.... Thats what makes it so hard for them to quit cause they can't handle pressure, drinking is their escape goat! I tell my AH all the time that I wish it were that easy for me. Not that I would want to have this disease but honestly who wouldn't wanna just forget and not have to deal with the bad. They have us to deal with it. SUCKS!

Sll82 11/13/2018

As loving partners of alcoholics I feel we get told a lot to not tell them what they did or said when drinking or how their behaviour affected us because they already feel guilty but why shouldn't we??
Why can't we tell them how they made us feel or that I cried myself to sleep last night because of the names you called me??
I tell my AH because I don't think he should be "protected" from his actions and behaviour when drunk, he needs to know how much it is impacting his life because if he doesn't why quit drinking!!!
I don't do it to make him feel guilty or bad, I do it so he can see the "damage"
They drink to escape reality but we can't, it stays with us

lovehurts1978 11/13/2018

I am in the same situation with mine. I made him leave again the third time this year. I always say at least he can drown his sorrows away in some alcohol. I have to deal with this crap sober every single day. No i dont want that addiction either but they have no idea the hurt and pain we as the spouses suffer every day because of their CHOICE!! And im sorry but that is what it all boils down to. Im tired of making excuses for mine. He CHOOSES to be this way. Because he chooses not to seek help.

Sll82 11/14/2018

I agree lovehurts1978, it is there choice to not get sober, I understand that when drinking it's the alcoholic demon inside them that makes them continue but when they are sober they make that choice to pick up that 1st drink!!
Then they get nasty and horrible to us because of their own guilt and shame, I have in the past given him a mirror and told him to shout at that because that's who he should really being saying those things too, not me!

Join the Conversation