That is how I feel. Afraid to be hopeful but not willing to give up all hope. Is that even possible?  I admit to feeling better just having found this site for I feel like I am reading my own life in so many posts. My AH was sober 1st when our daughter was 3 mos old. It was a surprise to me that he accomplished it all! He was sober 5 yrs! And believe me I spent a good portion of that pregnancy wondering if he'd be drunk during my labor. The last year he relapsed and initially he hid it well, until it got too out of control to hide. He even got in an accident with my 3 year old son -thankfully he miraculously did not get hurt-bit initially I did not even know he had been drinking because he was not truthful but I sadly found out 3 days later from friends talking to cop at scene. I recently let him hit rock bottom and he went away for what has turned into detox for a wk followed by inpt rehab for 4 wks and now a 2 wk outpt program so far. Today sure I am grateful for having different problems and not having to worry if he will fall down the stairs and my 4 year old son will wake up wondering if he is dead in a heap on the floor, or that I won't have to hear my 6 year old dtr saying "are you sick Daddy? you're leaning on me, move over!", but now the problems are my father refusing to speak to my AH, and trying to let go of resentment,  oh and dealing with living with more of a roommate who has all he can do to focus on himself to stay sober, so theres no love connection really to speak of. I feel open to supporting my AH in sobriety since he's taken many steps to get healthy. I just don't understand why it is (despite the obvious lack of him knowing all that has actually happened all year and the probable actual damage to his brain) that he can't just give us, my family, the people who helped me get by for the last 7 wks some touch of appreciation  or apology or something that would help to make it feel worth it! Yes he has thanked me for not walking away but it was so simple and sounded like a robot aND it didn't measure up to the amount of hurt and terror we've been through. And no, I don't think he should suffer for it either. Yes I know it's a disease. And I know his personality is not the same as mine and I guess that's part of those underlying issues you work on, but I really hear the people who think about divorce but are afraid to further ruin their children. My kids do love their Dad bec he has been there for them more than not and I grew up in a divorced family and swore Id never do it, but sometimes I wonder...are there people out there living with sober AHs? I just wonder how many of us make it work? How do you have fun together again in the midst of a busy life with little kids and all the programs the AH has to do. I have dabbled with al anon but often feel like they expect me to be a super hero at all times with no specific help in doing so. I am far from doing everything I can to take care of myself but I believe I'm starting to and it's not easy to get it back when you've been traumatized for months. Thanks for sharing everyone.