((Hugs)) Most certainly not alone! I haven't been on the boards much (and not at all for the last few weeks) but I know it helps me. I'm back because I believe things are escalating with my AH. So, nope...not alone!

Glad you found us, sorry that you needed to. I've gotten so much support and good advice from this board! It's an amazing gift and way cheaper than therapy lol Also look for an Al Anon meeting near you. There will be a room full of people who know exactly what you've been through and can give you the tools to get through it. Best wishes.

It gives me a lot of comfort to know I'm not alone and we're all struggling with this too. I wish there were easy answers. I agree with Notmyself…get into counselling, find a meeting and figure out how to deal with this. I don't have the energy either for a divorce, but I have to figure out my exit plan…this relationship is too toxic, and soul sucking. I want some peace and happiness, and the only way I can get it is if I take action. Take good care.

I agree. I need to figure out an exit plan too, but he knows my health is not the greatest, I have no family and friends..not one...I am the enemy because I hate his drinking. He is controlling and abusive, and I look at what stress is on my shoulders to have to start my life over, and its so overwhelming. ..its too much for me sometimes...

I am so sorry for your pain. My AH is passed out upstairs as I am writing this. I only wish we all could be blessed with a miracle...hugs..

I want to be my own miracle. I want to put my foot down and kick him out on his butt and not care that he will probably die in a gutter somewhere. He just doesn't care that his drinking impacts me. He really thinks it doesn't matter and I over-react to it. And then he'll sober up and be all apologetic and be sober for a month or two or three and then wham! one day when I'm least expecting it, I come home to a mess. It's like I live with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I keep so much of it hidden that it will be such a shock to our families and friends that I am not sure I have the energy or strength to do this. And I am afraid he'll want to take the dogs (which sounds so crazy but they are my babies because we don't have kids). It's so awful that I sometimes wish he would die in an accident so I wouldn't have to admit to the world that I have been hiding his drinking and covering up for him for years. I don't want them to all know the real him. I don't want his sister who has cancer or his mother who is in a nursing home to know that he lies to them. I want them to believe in who they think he is...