My AH went into a 5 day rehab last June. I went on a yoga retreat. I had had enough and needed to do something for me. I was not all that supportive or angry with him at the time. I was neutral and matter-of-fact. He got out and drank within two weeks. Then he was sober for five months, and things were looking good. Until he decided to drink and get a second OUI and loss of license. He is sober again and we are still together? Will it last? Who knows.

So yeah, for me, I went neutral and pretty much said, "Do what you want." My AH has broken my trust so many times that I was indifferent to him when he went off the rails last May/June.

Let your AH figure it out. You can't do it for him. Take care of yourself -- I highly recommend that you go on a vacation. Go to a nearby city, get a hotel room, see the sights. Do something for you and get out of your house and get him out of your head.

You need a break and you deserve it.

I second that advice....take care of you.

Thanks ladies :)

This a normal reaction. I'm feeling just like you today, bucause I'm angry for being the lucky person elected to be the liason between AH and social workers, therapists and hospitals.

Couldn't you just smack your AH into the middle next week for dealing you a card from the bottom of the deck AGAIN? :-)

The problem with being supportive: AH will take it as a token that what he has done is acceptable and not reprehensible. Being supportive tells him indirectly that he can get away with it again. So even if the therapist people in detox or rehab tell you that you "must" show your support, then show him only a wee token of support. Don't you dare knock yourself out! :-) (No matter what the experts tell you)

Your anger is important. It's a nasty emotion there to remind you that something in your life is very much askew. It's important to get over your anger, because it will eventually make you sick. And once you do that you have to make plans for you: you have to decide for you what is acceptable behavior, and what is not acceptable behavoir. And then you have to decide what kind of consequences will take place the next time AH drinks. And you have to make some concrete preparations so you can act on those consequences the next time AH drinks. Make plans: this could include getting your own bank account, and your own job. It might mean setting an escape plan - where you can go stay if AH starts drinking after detox.

It's important to stay focused and make plans for you. Because nothing is more pathetic than when your drunken AH laughs in your face when you scream, "(Insert nasty name for AH here), I'M LEAVING YOU NOW!" - and then you realize that it's 12:00 a.m. and there is nowhere for you to spend the night.