Congrats on making your decision! I'm sure that it was not an easy one to make. It will be a challenge and I'm hoping that your family is on board and supportive.
As for the boys, be as truthful as you can without "trashing" their dad in front of them. You may be surprised by how much they already know (not sure of their ages), because kids pick up on so much more than we give them credit for. I think it's a good thing that the kids will have the summer to cope and get used to their new reality. You don't say how your AH affected the family, but from the title of your post, I can almost imagine.
The only tips I can give you are to try to take each day as it comes, take care of yourself, don't put your needs last, and give yourself and the kids time to grieve and heal.
Most important; keep on coming back to DS for support and sharing your journey to freedom from craziness.
Hugs and best to you!

Please take care of yourself and remember there is no need to think in "absolutes" just take it one day at a time. My Alanon sponsor once told me that if I solve problems for today only, there is no need to solve tomorrow's problems because they do not exist. You do not know how this will turn out. This may be the very wake up call he needs to sober up. And if not, you are well on your way to providing a healthier home environment for your kids. Read the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew--I believe Volume 4 deals with separation and divorce...you will find the information immensely helpful and it may help to keep you sane. Saying prayers for your continued courage and strength...

Thanks so much ladies :) It helps so much to have a place where people really understand what is going on. My mom tries to be supportive but when I am explaining things to her...well, she just doesn't get it! Which is a good thing actually because I think that you have to have lived this life to get it and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy let alone my own mother.

My 11 yr old definitely knows the score. I've had to talk to him about not getting in the car with daddy if he's been drinking - which has happened. It's the main reason I got him a cell phone. BUT he also knows that he can get dad to do whatever he wants when he's drinking...including letting them play with fire/butane, swimming in the creek when it's 55 degrees outside, staying up til midnight on a school night, etc So of course he's going to be on his dads side vs mine because I'm the one who makes him do his homework, eat his veggies and take a bath. I just keep hoping that someday he will figure out the truth and know how much I love them. Until recently I did not think this was affecting the 7yr old too much. He's a very laid back kind of kid. Recently though he let it slip that he was worried about daddy being out late because he gets tired and falls down a lot at night :( I told him it was not his job to worry about his dad. I so wish this was not their reality. Because the truth of the matter is even if I do eventually end up getting a divorce and being free of this crazyness THEY never will. He will always be their dad.

I do need to get those books too. A few other people have recommended them to me as well. They must be really good. I've resisted because of the title. Because I no longer believe that I can get him sober, that is something he has to do himself. But anything to help me stay sane can't be a bad thing! I also believe in the never say never rule of thumb. Never is a pretty strong word.

We had the discussion today and I did most of the talking. When I told him I planned to move to my parents with the boys this summer he actually asked 'Why?' He's been sober 6 days now and says he's 'quit' and is 'doing great' and truly seems perplexed as to why this wouldn't just automatically fix everything. (He's quit many, many times just like most alcoholics.) I told him again that he needed to seek professional help. That if he maintained sobriety for 6 months then we could start working on our marriage if he was willing to put the time and effort in. The ball is in his court now. I'm moving out in June/July no matter what he does or does not do and am in no hurry to file for divorce unless custody becomes an issue.

Please keep the prayers and/or positive vibes coming!
Danielle

I ended my marriage almost two years ago to date. There is no easy and fast way through the pain except to feel your way through it and take it moment by moment. Some days all I could do was wake up, make it to mid morning, then to lunch, then to mid afternoon, to dinner, evening and finally into bed. I had to break the day into segments and just get through each segment.

Let yourself feel what you need to. I wailed buckets. Fell completely apart. Just when I thought the pain and grief was going to do me in, I started the upswing. I guess a part of me had to die in order to make room for the new.

Nothing has been easy. On myself or my kids. I will always remember the look of pain each night in my kids faces and eyes in the first few weeks. My kids are still not completely settled. However, it is MUCH better than it was before. Their emotional health has definitely been linked to mine. As I have improved---they have improved.

Alanon really helped me to heal from enormous pain from years of betrayal. Alanon has also helped me to break the co-dependency cycle in myself and I hope that I am learning new skills that my kids will also learn.

The Break Up and Divorce Site on DS is full of terrific supportive people and I do not know how I would have gotten through the darkest days without that site. I am not on that Board any more but I am still connected to friends I made on it.

Really just take it one day at time. One moment, when you need to get by moment by moment. Eventually it really does get much much better.

((((HUGS))))

HI! I drove around listening to Ozzy's crazy train for awhile it summed everything up... my stbx was leaving the station and I was damned if me and my two boys were going to go along!

I applaud you bringing your marriage to resolution.

I also get a great deal out of Al Anon, and although I deeply appreciate not being told what to do coming from a family of very critical parents. I have come to the conclusion that for me, staying in an alcoholic marriage with children and exposing them to dysfunction on a daily basis was not a life.

I also will be damned if I will allow my kids to overnight with my stbx. I totally get it. Coming home to the kids wandering around the house (4& 6) while he's passed out just is not good parenting on his part and also indirectly on my part as well. I am so glad that this worry is a thing of the past.

I was at one time worried he would put up a nasty custody battle, but sadly, he's very disinterested in the children. I realize I am dealing with someone who is mentally ill/damaged. But still, there is ultimately no excuse.

I would see what you can do about staying in the house and trying to get him to leave. I also highly recommend that you secure as much evidence of his alcoholism that you can. Take a few good videos with your cell phone. Just in case, you want to be assured that the court will not give him inappropriate visitation.

Roughly bi-weekly I seem to get our finances one step closer to being untangled! It can be done.

Stay strong and remember that you have suffered from the effect of being with an alcoholic and need to work on yourself as well... this is very important and often overlooked. Al Anon and other literature on codependency and alcoholism can help you greatly. You got this, it sounds to me as if it's really over for your marriage. But still take it one day at a time. No need to rush, be strategic and continue to protect the boys.